white bottle

by

derek

Middle child living in the country
1993 running around happy and free
Mom and dad not worrying
giving a young child freedom
was a normal thing
always outside entertaining himself

Dinner bell rings
never complains
ate what was on his plate
did the dishes
lots of love and kisses

Respect and discipline was taught
things were earned
had a list of chores
bed at eight
never fought

The belt was a thing
it worked great back then
parents who didn’t enforce it
had kids who didn't fit in

Crying kids now everywhere
getting everything new
technology is hard to keep up to

parents worrying
if that's enough for them.
spoiled rotten for doing nothing
what are we teaching them
what have we become

Not earning or learning
Disrespectful not listening
on the floor moaning
screaming
but they give in

`child abuse`
`it's not fair`

wow what a bunch of bull
doesn't anyone care
parents now are in the highchair
kids just kicking back wearing the pants

Glued to the screens
getting every treat
never outside
rocks hurt their feet
excuses for everything

life is passing them by
knowing things will be given to them
when they make a scene

not looking good
something has to give
slowly getting outnumbered
the world will be run by adults in diapers

the worlds in trouble
but just like everything else
leave it for the next generation to solve it

if only you knew
what they go threw
dyslexic ones
secretly get the worst
left behind in the dirt

All those years
didn’t know I had an issue
Thought I was normal
or just being lazy
Slowly didn’t care
lost all my fucks to give
pulling my hair

Struggling
being placed in the front
marked as dumb
Driving myself crazy
they teaching me shit
that won’t stick

Brains spinning a million miles
why didn’t anyone say anything

An old man now
too late to save me
Going in circles with life
wasn’t until now
that i understand
Why I’m so far behind
wasn't right
just cause i had a different mind sight

they all just walked on by threw life
barely using any brain power i'm using double just to talk
leaving me stuck feeling sour and with a special ed teacher for hours

im Smarter in other ways
wish I knew that
id restart it
Teach my self knowledge a different w

I found ways to excel
in different ways
Six foot at fifteen
tough and mean
the jock, sport god

Dating the class queen
ot away with anything
Skipping school
hungover
breaking the rules

striptease questions with my squeeze
after school
Cheating off her anyway
never opened a book at all
had kids to write my essays
life was good
early school days
rushing for those beers with the boys

Teacher was the coach
got extra marks
for training harder that day
winning games was easier than reading books
so i just worked out everyday
thinking school was a joke

Had to play my best
Just to pass the final test to graduate
lifting weights
have to fill that trophy case

It was great
got my diplopia
just for running and scoring
wasted my highschool years
for nothing
still trying to find my career
just turned 30 this year

Thought it was smart
but I’m the only one still here
they all left and got degrees
no more gold
i just got old

cheating life never gets you far
life i dreamt
now a shooting star
only luck now might heal the scars.

My life changed fell in love that day
feeling the connection
with the one burns my insides
she doesn't know but i felt the fire

flowing in my chest
feeling a tingle down below
can't even walk
it's hard to show
my heart wants to explode

Making sharp marks
like shredded
melting steal
in the hot sun
can't explain how this feels

Eating ice cream
to cool off
the tsunami waves
of love

she covers me in
her beautiful spicy ways
makes me smile for days
That’s a love i want to taste
and forever chase.

feeling great these days
single
looking at life a different way
feeling horny and lonely every day
still think about the one that got away

missing something in my life
need a woman to complete what i'm feeling
release some of the bullshit
need my other half to deal with this blue feeling

chasing that girl that made me crazy
internet just saved me
its my babe
she's got two kids
it comes with the package
i can handle that
maybe

we click
im a step dad now
what the fuck happened
she tricked me
now the shits heads are climbing all over me

get use to it
they need a dad figure
show them life
teach them what's right

i love it
never a wasted moment
in their eyes life is golden
so hold on to it
be there for that their life is untold yet.

Back in the better days
feeling young
Wishing more on my dreams
not knowing the important things
Never did happen like i planned
I became a father
have a daughter and son now

Unreal
twins what a deal
who would thought
feel so blessed
or is life testing me again

but i wouldn’t trade it
for anything
now that's four kids under my wing

This is a dream
nope… it's your life
it's just the start

My other half
is a hard ass
But she continues making better days
on our path
were in the stars smiling
staying together
Two of us
are stronger this way
forever
always true

Doing what’s best
life’s a struggle
but hey
love life
do it till the end
fight your sins
love your woman
your kids need you
don’t mess it up
life won’t forgive you.

In this place we call home
where we settled down
It’s supposed to protect us
make us feel warm

But the walls are too thin
Neighbours to close
always looking in
bitching about us partying again
always checking in
wondering where we been
Calling the cops
when the babies cry nonstop
grass not cut

`what that sound, in his truck`
`wow whats that kid wearing `
`is he swearing`
`who's doing the parenting`

Fuck off and stop staring don’t need your input
trying to take my family down
can't make friends in this town

Don’t feel relaxed
scared someone sneaking in
stealing shit
can’t trust anyone

moving away
out in the country
taking our time
raising the kids
like my folks did
back in the day
I turned out okay..

time is painful
never getting enough
The unforgettable moments are tough
If only I knew
id cherish the time
Spent with you
wish the kids met you
It flys by
taken for granted
moments in time
you can't hold on to.

Going way to fast
nothing good never lasts

Take a breath
don’t miss the time
you have left

Next thing you know
your staring at death
Wondering where the time went
wishing to go back to your past

Can't start over
so don’t forget it
enjoy it
every minute
keep what's important
don't regret it.

Seems likes shes listing
Seems like she's trying
seems like she’s living

Why so much hiding
I’m the one that’s whining
so much emptiness
why did she have to change this

I’m the one that’s confused
I’m the one feeling used
I’m the one who needs you
I’m the one whos always broke
I’m the one who can't please you

I fucking hate that note
fucking money
sorry honey i'm a joke

Just end this pain
make it rain warm
water again

worrying about my mindset
putting it in the test
using too much brain cells
there’s nothing left

fuck that you know
no more bullshit towards you
saving my energy for the younger too
It went to far
fire and rain in your eyes
staring in the distance
not knowing if the babies are alive
Hitting home runs
almost losing another son

lifes happy
devils snappy
whos on your shoulder
that's making you so much colder.

Nothing will change your colors
trying to hard to be a star
Your strength can only go so far
you wont make that leap without a good run at it
You’re just going to fold
wasting away
the time you have is precious
just do what you do best
walk away

Dream on those dreams
your colors won’t change
always dull
Not bright enough to climb
that wall

She needs more they say
some shine like rainbows
others are just dim
like me
always the same
maybe i'll just light it up the wrong way
and forget everything

feeling no feeling
addicted to never healing

gone in space
floating away
Feeling like lifes a waste
regretting your mistakes
numbing the life you live
hoping your light wont give

emotional outbreaks
crashing heartaches

sick of this rut
fearing the monster
thats fucking me up

my dreams never see the day
drugs are always in the way
living in pain
hurts so much
disowning everything you love and touch

your gateway to a dream
stuck inside
it heals your mind
only way you feel alive

forever gone to the other side
your closing life's curtains
losing your shine
forever broken
driving straight into hells mind
let it soak in
time to sin

not worth it
it's your life
you choose the pain
only had one chance
and you broke it
now permanently insane

how the hell is that living life
you're blowing it
fucking high
whiskey and lines own it

no fucks given though
your young
you think you have time to quit it

your life will feel it
body aches and you shake
hiding it but it's too late
now your losing family daily
smoking hard shit like crazy

your body's fuel
sweating hurts
fuck that,cant take it
Licking the seal
making deals
party man
forever real
ya ya

anyday you can kick it
getting mad at it
cant say no

every dollar you make
goes in your veins
going brain dead from booze
lines and pills all day

not knowing that your friends are dead
but you didn't know
change your direction instead
fuck head

it's never real
the wind in your ear
stupid shit you hear
annoying voices are here

what the fuck is there deal
who cares how you feel
brain hurts, black bugs crawling out
trying to lash out

be the stronger one and walk
hold the screams back
watch them look stupid
just relax

am i just crazy
the drugs and booze
microwaved dazzled me

stupid questions
second guessing
fuck it
i'll just stay lit

who knows
my head is gonna split
damn bullshit
i'm just going to quit
rewinding this bullshit

i feel lost and broken
don't know what to say or do
i think i lost my way
maybe you did too
i don't know what you want anymore
just don't slam this door

where do you go
it makes me crazy
leaving me here holding our babies
thinking to much is my problem
wish we can talk
and solve them

we lost sight of our path
had a plan to make it last
why are we doing what we do
it's affecting our relationship
the kids future too
lets just grow old together
raise our kids better
were losing the flame
you keep it alive
just to watch it die

red hot coals remain
cant handle this pain
pissing on the love that's left
your choking on that toxic mess

shitty way to see our love
go this way

don't play with fire and love
your lose what once was
have to slow down
take a step back

if you feel like calming down
let the flow of vodka
and water cool you down
down it
feel the burn
taking lives last turn

taking the pain away
feeling the energy
waking up to a broken sunset
hurt in your eyes
healing the scars that reminds me
of the lost lies and all the goodbyes

you took my glow
flickering heart
left in the dark

powerlight of life guides you
defines you makes you fight
thinking life is alright

you won't know what i mean
my kids gave me light
not alone in this fight

skipping the hills of cocaine
jumping that mountains of meth
Out running the booze of rain

making life happen
whatever it takes
no more mistakes
they make me glow
they shine i can't go just yet
bringing brightness
curing life's crazy mess

feels good to be healthy
needed to clean my body and mind
wasn't thinking straight
dont think im 100 percent yet

spending more time with the kids it's great
but i still feel that evil bug
giving me triggers to welcome what evil delivers
don't know how far i can go

no money
have to tough it out today
child support is killing me

but i'd rather be broke then high
have to continue the fight and be strong inside

a year sober
1000 meetings
same stories over and over
it was worth it
beauty of living happiness
the joy of breathing life sober
being part of your family

surviving each day
watching them get old
and having kids of their own
that's what got me through
my pain

would have died
going down that line
drinking years away

now im clear
and with family
life's amazing
no more fear
just happy tears.