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Wherefore
Oh hearken to the change in season's ebb,
forswear the elemental facets all.
For naught exists in truth, in nature's web
excepting that surviving since the fall.
Dark shadow gripping dreams of lost delight,
wherein that twisted creature hissed untruth;
false harbinger who dragged man to this plight,
where age and death replace eternal youth.
While havoc runs amok in life's morass,
yet wherefore cast the soul in deep despair;
mayhap it would be meet to cry alas,
the turning of the screw is so unfair.
We are not set adrift to blindly grope,
for each, the grace of God extendeth hope.
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United Kingdom (Scotland)
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Robert Burns, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Kipling., I like things childish.
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Comments
judyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 04:38
a well written sonnet
Hello Keith, nice to meet you
a really good poem, great word usage
I had only a slight problem with the meter of verse 13
i read
'we are NOT CAST a - DRIFT....'
I go back and see it can be read 'we ARE not....' but that's after the fact if you see what I mean...
however others may have a different take
Enjoyed the theme - A clever write
love judy xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Keith Logan
Sat, 2016-05-14 05:56
I can see
how you read it, 'though I tend to still hear "la LA la LA la LA la LA la LA"
what say you to
we're not allowed to drift and blindly grope?
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 06:24
that's definitely iambic Keith
And I like it
But more to the form of the sonnet - your volta starts here at the couplet - can I suggest
perhaps we need not drift and blindly grope... ?
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Keith Logan
Sat, 2016-05-14 08:47
I do like your line
but in this instance the message must take centre stage rather than the word-craft and that is insistent God is directing things. I will ponder further and see if something more readable without distorting the meaning, comes to mind.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2016-05-14 09:09
do you mean more like
The truth's we need not drift and blindly grope... ?
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sat, 2016-05-14 23:57
Hello Mr. Logan
very captivating language use. I admit that I had to look up some words. I know they are not archaic but maybe less used these days, so I enjoyed learning some new vocab. which is always my goal.
I see Judy has already come up with suggestions, so I think I have nothing left to say other than much appreciation.
Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Keith Logan
Sun, 2016-05-15 13:40
I have meditated
and very much appreciate all suggestions, many very helpful indeed but despite all the sense spoken I end up back where I started. It may not be as well structured as it could be but somehow I like it as it was originally written. Sorry about that folks.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2016-05-15 23:28
that's fine Keith
it was a very minor point, and the verse still reads well...
As I said before - great sonnet
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)