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When in heaven

Submitted by loved on Tue, 2014-04-08 04:33

you can have a palace
as big as heaven
no frig is needed
nothing to store
you don't have to beg
for more
ask those who are there for sure
what you missed here
for that there is a cure….
no condoms are ever needed
so stay pure
have kids galore
may not be all yours

so be in heaven when time comes
you needn't advance your flight
enjoy on earth your entire plight….
for once you are gone
even heaven is out of sight
Friends am I not right!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

emeka ozurumba

Tue, 2014-04-08 13:01

emeka ozurumba's picture

the purpose of the poem, is it to spite etiquette

loved

Tue, 2014-04-08 13:10

loved's picture

Sorry ??

loved

author comment

emeka ozurumba

Tue, 2014-04-08 13:18

emeka ozurumba's picture

no i didn't mean to upset you i wasn't just clear about your take on the whole matter, remembering its a very cautious one to all

Ian.T

Tue, 2014-04-08 18:59

Ian.T's picture
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I love your concept of heaven, it appears that this explanation is to much linked to our physical being.
Cant really explain the concept of being without a physical form if you are stuck here, was bordering on the Martyr's who expect that there will be all those chaste women there waiting for them, can't think what good that will do without physical bodies lol.
I think that it's back to the think again and then we can re write this piece:-
You will be a timeless entity where you will be known and know others, there you will reside with spirits of like forms, it is up to you what sort of form you want to be, learn then teach if you are in perfection, Yours, Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

loved

Wed, 2014-04-09 04:03

loved's picture

''''''''You will be a timeless entity
where you will be known
and know others,
there you will reside
with spirits of like forms,

it is up to you what sort of form you want to be,

........ learn then teach if you are in perfection,
Yours, Sparrow''''

Ian the most Imperfect me
resides within

But I don't hide
all others lead me
IAN BESIDE
We all have a joy ride

loved

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