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when he left

With his books,
with his shoes
and clothes
he packed
his awful yet cool jokes,
his raging-teen voice,
his imperfect actions,
his satisfactions,
and reactions
on serious and silly issues,

but he would never pack
the essence;
his sense of love
that shall linger
like his fragrance
to fill my void.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
minutes ago my eldest son headed to his university in Jordan, his first year. though not very far away maybe, but I know I am going to miss him. I already do :(
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this and i think it could be very very good, i just think the first verse needs some work. I will have another look at it and see if i can offer anything. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I know this needs some work. I just scribbled a few minutes after his leave, so it all came in raw emotions. I admit I didn't pay much attention to many things. I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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NEVER intended though.
Thanks for your gentleness.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

like this a lot, it's short but says a lot,
Tim

I was editing, extending kinda of, when I read your comment, so I thought I would keep it as is till I see what others think.
Thanks for dropping by. It means a lot.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Beautiful and so sad. You made my heart sink.

Joe

I am happy that you find something touching here. You've always touched us with yours.
Thanks for reading.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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