Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

What A Trip!... [December Contest]

I was jack of all trades, master of few
but I worked real hard most times
I've had three wives, three boys too
Had some accidents, that rang my chimes

My body's wrecked from habits now
I loved cigarettes and weed
I've survived, I don't know how
Always running at full speed

Loved driving fast, on my scoot
Done lots of crazy things
I like reading books, things that shoot
But poetry gives me wings

I'm on the net, friends world-wide
from Australia to Great Britain
I know a queen from Norway
I travel while I'm sitting

My desk is now a sailing ship
A computer is my plane
I see the world different now
And I'm not quite so insane

I have a wife that loves me
I have friends that I can call
I can [if I walk real slow]
Get around the mall

So, don't cry for me, when I'm done
When I've gone to my final rest
I've cried enough for myself
Say; he's off on another quest

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

Enjoyed the poem! The self deprecating humor, the way you worked the title into the story line... great fun.
Peg

I like a good, funny story. Seriously, if I went to wherever it is we go, and they said; Hey Geez, you can go back and do it all again, but you can't change anything; I'd say, "When do I leave?" Glad you enjoyed! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

There will be no tears for a life well lived!

"three wives",,,, jeyzus man.

Obi.

I'm more impressed that this last one has lasted more than thirty years! I guess I learned enough to keep one. [Not that I'd want more than one at a time!] LoL. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

And I'm not ((((((quiteXXXX)))))) so insane

good poem sad u can't win

that you enjoyed. That makes me happy; I don't care too much about winning, although the accolades would be nice. I guess that I haven't been too good at keeping my wives until this one. It's been just over thirty years for this one and I'm not sure how I've managed, except for not being quite so insane.
~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

great piece. and great rhythm. congrats on the just over thirty years. me - 34 and counting. your wife must share my husband's view that there is a fine line between brilliance and insanity and that that is okay lol

his opinion! My wife just loves that I'm kind of crazy, it gives her something to complain about. We have this thing where I tell her that it's her job to bitch and it's mine to give her something to bitch about!

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

You know I'm not saying the best poet, I never lie or flatter, you know that, but way the best people's poet. You speak poetry as though it was natural. I guess that makes you a big fat liar! But a skilful one. I envy you.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

that I was one of the most skillful poets, and I'm glad you don't lie and try to convince me otherwise, but I do appreciate man's foibles and capitalize on them for my stories. I've always been a big fan of Samuel Clemens [Mark Twain] and have tried to emulate his style in my poetry. [Someone did actually say that they thought that I was comparable to him, but modesty prevailed and I poo-pooed it. LoL
Thanks for the kindness, Jess. Coming from you, it makes me more determined than ever to keep writing and I hope that one day, I may achieve some measure of success, [hopefully before I'm dead.]
~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

hopefully before I'm dead.

The world's greatest poets are being read till today
They were never given a Nobel
Robert Frost USA Deserved it(MY SOLE OPINION)
Maya Angelou USA
Shakespeare UK Still going strong ...more than nearing 500 years now. The Nobel was introduced thereafter

Pablo Neruda USA CHILEAN NOBEL LAUREATE One of the few still read
Rudyard Kipling Indian

Rabindra Nath Tagore Indian (Kindness UK)

You could be one
But publish some poems
I am being read by 1000 over the Internet (WILL NEVER get it ever)

So don't bother
those who give Nobel's
are only like us
simply human

You do your work
at best Stan and I will read you you bet

jess has already given his view

Why on earth would you want to take away from a compliment from me to Gee? You have never been mean spirited and bitchy before.

cheers,
Jess
New Workshop!-
Critique For New And Old
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/critique-new-and-old

....You do your work
at best Stan and I will read you
you bet..........(GEE)

(jess has already given his view)

anything wrong here
I'm sorry tell me
I shall delete it
jess
I am a broad minded idiot
of a self styled poet

while you were away
Gee read every one of my poems
as you did once
upon your shoulders lies the weight of credit
if any for me
GEE won the DEC CONTEST
jess

I
CON g RATTED him
GRACEFULLY

1. Title ~ 'December contest' is a great title. Seriously though, from the title I expected an exiting journey and was not disappointed ~ so good title ('poetry gives me wings' is a bonus).

2. Rhythm etc. ~ Keeps going ok as a journey would.

3. Beginning and end ~ Starts ok and you know when it's ended. I would have dropped 'gone' in the last line (one too many 'gone's' in one stanza) but at least we know you've.............. gone.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

are right; so I changed it up a little. What do you think?

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Geezer. I like this better myself, I hope you are pleased with it. It is a much shorter last line (it doesn't take long to say goodbye) and is as long or as short as I would have expected. 9 syllables is just right.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

You've had only three wives?
I've had many more thn that. Mind you, they weren't mine...
.

Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

Hi there, Geezer;
since your poem is a rough draft I must refrain from commenting on the irregular meter, but I love the storyline of your amusing poem. Can't wait to see your rewrite of this humdinger!
(Three wives? One is enough for me! I have been married for 51 years; no regrets. Thanks for the chuckles, Jerry

irregularities in the meter, but feel free to point them out. Glad you liked it! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

Try my desk is now my sailing ship and see if it better conveys what you want.....dang, there is a typo here somewhere but I can't find it now....well I'll let you find it lol.....stan

you and jerryk, I think I have found the spots that were mentioned previously. Still haven't found a typo, but...
~ Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.