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What if - God became a woman

What if, God became a woman - what a difference we would see,
Bet the first thing that she'd tackle is the way that we all pee.
She’ll have seen all the advantages, that’s there when you’re a boy;
How it saves with all that squatting, and at night becomes a toy!

And she’d introduce discretions, like an air valve better placed,
To save girls squeaking trapped air out and getting all red-faced.
For with the aid of hidden pipework, they could whistle merry tunes,
And the playing of this music could be used for clearing rooms.

The next thing that she'd tackle would be partners taking turn,
So that each can carry baby, while the other gets to earn.
And if girls can do the last part, when dear junior starts to rub,
then the boys can do the first bit - and could take it down the pub.
That’s the way to make things equal, so both parents get the chance,
To attend a game of football, bake a cake or go to France.

Then onward into shaving - where it really isn’t fair,
As the slightest fluff grows on girl’s legs - and hardly much elsewhere.
And I fear that boy’s dispensers would be programmed and re-planned
So a button pressed and wrist-work would squirt hot wax in our hand.

And the final piece of balance; she'll see justice to be done,
As we both will have the ‘monthlies’ now instead of only one.
We’ll gladly do the mood swings, and our share of feeling grotty,
But there’s no way that a tampons ever going up our botty!

So there we are; the deed is done, at last the world is equal,
But I, for one, don’t hold much hope - for this crazy female sequel.
A girl in charge and holding power, its sounds just like my life.
And God forbid it comes to pass – just please don’t tell my wife.

Last few words: 
Dear Geezer, Sorry if you consider my poem a little too quirky - I love writing poetry and they occasionally turn out this way. Please let me know if it's too much and I will of course apologise and remove it.
Editing stage: 

Comments

This just the kind of thing of thing that might win the contest. Our judges will be looking for originality and off-beat subjects. Good luck! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hello Geezer,
many thanks for your comments, it seems that off beat subjects are having a come back and long may it last - I like to laugh.

Have a good one.

Best, Dennis

author comment

Before I comment on your work.... what grade are you in. I will post some comment based on your age? Do you read poetry? Do you have a poet that is a favorites?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Intriguing
I enjoyed the twist and turns of this
What if God is a woman that creates.
Your verse about the tampon suggests creating another life, experience of birth pains and left in an vulnerable state momentarily, man rather reserved for the woman.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Good morning Barbara,

My, your waters run deep - I am delighted that you enjoyed this spin on general beliefs - I believe that we all benefit from a wider view on life accompanied by a smile or two.

Have a great day.

author comment

Great subject and brill write, keep on writing, please remember to comment on as many pieces as you can and pass that on to others.
Look forward to the next combat contest lol,
Yours Ian..

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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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