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What if?

what if my poem was a child
a small child that had to lead its own life
drive its own car, negotiate this world

what if my poem was responsible
for folding its own laundry could
offer its own opinions and
could pipe up when there was a
need for concern

what if my poem
discovered the layers of an onion
with a sense of awestruck nativity recklessly disregarding
the moment in which a thought
was born

what if my poem dusted off the pages
containing promise for tomorrow
and offered it to us today

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

to think about for sure. I hope that I get where this is going. I guess you are referring to the adage that a poet's works are like their children. We raise the idea, nurture it and send it off to do its' thing in the world,
much as we do our offspring. I do believe that we sometimes send them out before they are ready. We are so proud of our work, that we can't wait to see what they might accomplish; but we can also hold them back too long as well. Hard to decide sometimes. Nice job, but you might use [would] instead of could in the line; "could pipe up..."? Just sayin' . ~ Geezer.
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thank you - yes. it was a poem fresh a raw and just stream of thought. i know I have more work... verbiage that could be stronger. I wrote it during my kiddo's doctor's appointment. if that gives any frame of reference...

author comment

a little enough amount of time. I don't often write a whole poem in that amount of time; I usually write a few notes, [if I remember to bring something to write on and with]. Then I do the real writing at home on my computer. I find it very hard to write on my phone, as it is so small. Besides, it is a good thing to be able to have the feedback from our peers here. ~ Geezer.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

what if indeed Geezer made all the corrections. I am always calling poems children as they are created by it's master

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