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Wasted Lifetime
The miracle of life,
what a wonderful thing!
A new child in this world.
What exactly could their life bring?
Playing in idyllic fields.
Climbing the highest trees.
Laughing at the silliest things.
Feeling what it’s like to be free.
Then as I grow a bit older,
I start to learn new things.
Impulses of rebellion,
bits of curiosity here and there.
Distancing from my loved ones.
I start to become more aware.
Then as I grow older,
I learn some more new things.
Working night and day
trying to pay the bills.
Providing for my children.
No time for any more thrills.
Then as I grow older,
I learn some more new things.
Wrinkled skin and graying hairs,
I reflect on what I’ve done.
What has happened to me?
What happened to all the fun?
What happened to the innocence?
Where are those sparkling eyes?
I’ve lost sight of my own self.
I’ve thrown away what used to be mine.
I have grown much older.
I have learnt many new things.
But what has stuck the most?
What, out of everything?
Something you must know
is that you should always try your best.
You must give yourself some challenges.
You must put yourself to the test.
Life is too short to do nothing.
There is no point in regrets.
You just have to do something worthwhile,
so that you won’t ever forget.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-05-26 06:44
Neopoet AI
Watch this space! Our AI is thinking of a response. This typically takes up to 10 minutes.
Geezer
Fri, 2023-05-26 09:55
I think...
this is more like a ABCB four line rhyme scheme. This is the one that I use most. It lends itself well to many situations. Many people use the term free verse just to get away from having to work at meter. For my part, I like having a well-regulated meter,
it makes everything much smoother. Once you get into the rhythm of breathing for a rhyme scheme, it makes speaking it so much easier; and of course, that is what everyone wants. I find that if you read a piece aloud, you see where the hiccups are right away. Sometimes, a syllable off is not a very big deal; if it is close and the line is good, many times it will go unnoticed or nearly so. The four-line rhyme scheme makes this happen easier.
Your title is okay, but just. The language is plain, but with a bright spot in the second verse: [idyllic].
The theme is one that many people think about as [we get older].
I like the way that the poem progresses through getting older, and the end has a bit of optimism at the end, that if you just...
All-in-all, a good piece, but with a bit of work, it could be even better! Welcome to Neo. You seem to have gotten right into the swing of things, I think that you will find a place here. ~ Geezer.
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RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-05-27 10:42
A good poem
I often feel like I have wasted the last twenty years of my life and now it's time to live and do all the things I wish I had done when I was much younger. This poem resonated with me and all those feelings. Good job!
~RoseBlack~