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The Wait
A horse-pulled cart
Through central park
Or opening night on Broadway
Just tell me
Where you want to go
Which one will make your heart sway
Shall we go dance
Where the bubbly flows
With music all night long
Or be entranced
By a firefly's glow
Ephemeral yet so strong
A movie perhaps
You want to see
Action Sci-fi or comedy
Choose from these 3
No sappy Romance
You know that is just not for me
Shall we go feast
Just down the street
Where the food fair's got some tasty treats
Or should we try
That new place nearby
The one that serves delectable Thai
Hair all gelled up
His sleeves rolled up
A chill now made him shiver
Just tell me now
Don't make me late
Atleast try to be quicker
'A coat' he thought
With a hood perhaps
I should wear something thicker
You know how much
I hate to wait
He yelled with a slight lip quiver
But no reply
He let out a sigh
Why won't you give an answer
Fine then don't come
I will go alone
And douse my lousy liver
Just then his father
Entered the room
And asked 'What's all this pother'
His eyes teared up
As he gave up
And walked away 'Don't bother'
Don't leave my boy
Just talk to me
I worry for you Trevor
She's dead my son
How long will you
Keep talking to her mirror
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Wed, 2015-10-14 00:27
I like,
I like this, well constructed and a good though sad subject. Regards Roscoe....
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
eliminist
Wed, 2015-10-14 03:40
Many thanks for the
Many thanks for the appreciation :)
author commentweirdelf
Thu, 2015-10-15 00:16
It feels to me as emotionally contrived as Forrest Gump
and kind of creepy.
Well written though.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
eliminist
Thu, 2015-10-15 15:50
HI
I was aiming for creepy :)
Thanks for taking the time to read this one - always looking forward to your opinion on my work
author commentEsker
Thu, 2015-10-15 01:34
"her mirror"
was it the mother.....the sister..did his fiance live in a wing of the house as some
do today too share costs?
like the soliloquays
like this...the third person split
I lived with people that sat up in their dreams and spoke
aloud...
or some that show up in different hair..eyes...
facets of personas
stressors do weird things to people
haunted rooms
if you dont know the person when they
were in the rooms...being in the rooms
wont tell you much more either
I like that Trevor is thoughtful
caring...sensitive
the mystery of this poem is good
like macbeth
did he play a part??
well written
thank U
eliminist
Thu, 2015-10-15 16:05
Hello :)
It could be any loved one actually - this ones about his deceased spouse - it started as a soliloquy - and then the words kept coming - as a one sided conversation getting more and more strained with only echoes in reply
Unfortunately (ashamedly rather) I haven't read any Shakespeare yet - so I have no idea about Macbeth or any of the other great works. Indian schools in the Gulf had very basic curriculums in the 90's
Thanks for the appreciation though :) and I will introduce some Shakespeare into my life asap
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