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The Vist

One night long ago,
In my darkest hour,
I felt through my soul,
A unspeakable power.

A whisper to forsake,
All that was right,
Sudmit myself to evil,
Give in to the fight.

It told be being good,
Had nothing to gain,
But bitter dissapointment,
And unbearable pain..

But If I followed the darkness,
The whisper promised me this,
I would feel only victory,
In the wonderful abyss.

For the sun only burns,
The moon soothes as it cools,
There is no more suffering,
Where the nocturnial world rules.

Then a dry bony hand,
Dried the tears from my face,
He lifted me gently,
We took leave of this place.

The next morning they found me,
Stone cold in my bed,
My soul had been taken,
And now I lay dead.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


I guess we are all visited by the tempter at times.In line 8 you might try: give in, why fight...........typo in line 9 be should be me, line 20 nocturnal. A very dark work well written.........scribbler

Thanks scrib! I fixed that typo and I changed that line to something else. You were right, i didnt flow well.

Much Love,

author comment

as u return

after a long time

never say die

lie lie lie

the world too does

only lie/lay!


I laid in my bed soul was dead and now very much alive. Does this speak of years of past where you went through the same things or thing alot of us did. I have to say this is a powerful piece of work here greeneyes and sorry I have missed your writes.

Blessings to you

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