Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Villain
I'm going to burn
and I'm going to bleed,
and I have no one to blame
but myself.
If this seems simple to you
in your way of black and white,
know that my way
of mud and smokey windows
doesn't make it easier.
I'm drowning.
I need you
and I don't know how to call for you.
There are moments I absolutely can't stand you,
but it's with you I can't live without.
And I know I need to burn,
and I know I need to bleed,
and all I can do
is wait for the judge
to hand down what I deserve.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Rula
Tue, 2015-09-29 16:11
Hello contact
It's more likely that this is our first meeting here so welcome.
This is a compelling poem from the very beginning,or let's say from the title.
I wonder if that line
but it's [with] you I can't live without. but it's with you I can't live without. would read better if you drop the
(((with )))
Just a suggestion.
Thank you for sharing
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
wesley snow
Tue, 2015-09-29 16:08
This also is a first meeting.
Greetings then.
This was a riveting poem with an unexpected ending.
I confess to not enjoying verso libre, but sometimes a good poem is just a good poem.
The language use allowed the rhythm to flow fast which I liked. I don't know if this was intended.
Welcome back.
A lot is going on, hope you stick around for a while.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
weirdelf
Wed, 2015-09-30 15:07
Mark, conect11, is a Neopoet founding member, Wes and Rula
just hasn't been around much lately, well after a 3 year break he returned in February.
Great to see you, mate, though I feel your pain.
The stanza-
If this seems simple to you
in your way of black and white,
know that my way
of mud and smokey windows
doesn't make it easier.
is profound. The whole is so deeply personal I felt almost embarrassed.
I've got to say, my friend, don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself a break, if Jesus can forgive you then so can you. You deserve to be happy as much as anyone, perhaps more.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
ThEdges
Sat, 2015-10-03 09:22
hello conect11
I thought this was very well done, and I can say that I felt you knew just what I'm going through! (It's hard to imagine living with him, and impossible to imagine living without him!) I just love the songs and poems with that theme!