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Valleys of Lows

Submitted by hippiepoet69 on Fri, 2010-12-03 16:18

valleys of lows
mountains of highs
too many hellos
too many good byes

I didn't know
it could hurt so much
loosing someone
who's grown cold to my touch
I didn't know I could be so wrong
about something so right
I let go, when I should of held tight
,
our troubles we didn't bother to face
now has led to words we can't erase
we let our anger and hurt smolder
as our hearts grew lonelier colder

we won't hold on
but we can't let go
we won't let it die
or let it grow

valleys of lows
mountains of highs
too many hellos
too many good byes

copyright 12-3-10 huey horton (hippiepoet69

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote the first two verses over ten years ago. I write as the thought comes to me. These came to me in two different ryhme patterns. I was trying to write a lyric. this one is open to a co-writter as a song
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2010-12-05 08:23

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I can't believe this mournful poem has drawn no comments !.The first and last verses alone deserve comment from all.I enjoyed the whole thing but have a few ideas to help this worthy poem's flow
l-8 change your to my
l-11 delete on
l-12 change want to bother
l-13 try : now have led to words we can't erase
l-14 try : we let our anger and our hurt smolder
l-15 add lonelier in front of colder
next to last verse breaks rhyme scheme , but I think that may be intentional
I hope you don't take the number of suggestions to mean I didn't like this poem as I do.................scribbler

hippiepoet69

Sun, 2010-12-05 13:58

This one really needed help. This poem has huanted me for years. I could not get past the second verse. I threw the last verses together the day I posted it. The second to last verse break in ryhme pattern was not intentional. Just rushed. I knew I could count on you. I made those changes. Thanks. Take Care. huey

author comment

magics02

Sun, 2010-12-05 10:21

I felt this one across the miles and let me tell you that you are one heck of a guy and you pick yourself up and keep on your road to happiness and love. For where your heart lies your treasure lies also. A very good write here you are doing just great in your writings and I admire this alot.

Love and Light to you my friend always
Mona xoxo

hippiepoet69

Sun, 2010-12-05 14:12

Just trying to finish an old poem from years ago. This one has nothing to do with Holly. Holly and I never even had a fight in the years I've known her. As just a friend I had no right to fight. And I still don't. Too bad because I love to make up. Thanks my Friend. Take Care. huey

author comment

hippiepoet69

Sun, 2010-12-05 14:27

Your gonna make me blush. If I'm perfect. Boy has the standards been lowered. I don't even have friends in low places anymore. And I don't miss those places. I just stay home being a good little boy. I just wwait for the wild women to come to me. waiting waiting waiting. Take Care. huey

author comment

Loreli

Sun, 2010-12-05 19:16

Loreli's picture

...this felt like you took my 18 year marriage (and subsequent divorce) condensing it into this poem. So glad I am no longer in the valleys or the mountains!

Don't stay home too long Huey, those wild women won't find you there, LOL!

Peace,
Lori

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