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Us

Hand in hand,
there is no greater darkness
than the one that's growing steadily between us.

Hand in hand,
there is no greater darkness
than the one that's growing steadily between you and me.

United scars... the dripping blood
and a body that fears no one but itself!

As above, so we are: So below, as we are!

In the blink of an eye
stars collapse and we are here,
hand in hand and torn apart.
Can’t you hear the countdown?
Can’t you hear the clocks
that are ticking in our hearts?

And so we are
and so we have been
since the dawn of time:

Hand in hand.
And there’s no greater shadow
than the one we cast upon our own salvation.

We closed our minds to each other
So we could see nothing more
than a feeble glimpse.
And what we saw was that time flew in vain,
so there’s no room for ourselves.

And so we are
and so we have been
since the dawn of time:

Hand in hand.
And there’s no greater history
than the one we're writing with our own sweat.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

I found the repetition slightly irritating and also the unnecessary use of exclamation marks.
But interesting.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

but let's give the guy a chance to warm up! After all, it took him eight years to post his first work here. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Maybe he's a slow writer.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

Hello there!

Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate the input. Truth be told, I used to be an active member of Neopoet back in 2008, maybe 2009 and 2010 as well. The platform was very different back then, and yesterday I though to myself, after having received a notification in my Inbox, that I might share with you guys some of my new work.

It's far from being my first poem, although I appreciate the humor on this topic!

Cheers!
Ionut Popa

author comment

your first work of poetry, just the first work that you have posted here on the new site. Yes, I was a member of the site before "The Crash" too and it is a bit different than it was. Anyway, glad to see you and hope that we see more of you from now on!
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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