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A Triolet For You
For you my gardens thrive and bloom,
to send their perfumes all your way.
To weave the heaven's beauts on loom,
for you my gardens thrive and bloom.
The sunrise shines to glint the gloom,
and casts its rays on plots I lay.
For you my gardens thrive and bloom,
to send their perfumes all your way.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
A triolet is a French form of eight lines. Lines 7 and 8 repeat lines 1 and 2. Line 1 is also repeated as line 4. The rhyme scheme is a-b-A-a-b-A-B. They are written in iambic tetrameter.
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Jordan
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Comments
Ian.T
Mon, 2012-10-08 11:39
Rula
A lovely write just an S missing on line 5 garden, should it be gardens??
You are brave to try all these forms of poetry, I wish I had a little more time to seek them out..
Well done, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Mon, 2012-10-08 15:26
Thank you Ian
for reading and commenting.And yes, I always like to try new forms when time allows. As I said I cheated the form from Wesley and gave it a shot. Really happy you came by to read and leave such a nice comment.Thanks again.
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author commentRula
Tue, 2012-10-09 07:20
Thanks bp
for refering to that triolet. I have just had a look and I like it.
As for the title, I think it is something that I have inherited from my dear Mentor Wesley Snow who always likes to entitle those forms with their names and so I like to follow his steps especially when I try it for the first time.
Appreciate your nice comment.
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author commentGeezer
Tue, 2012-10-09 06:37
Maybe a better...
title would be: Scent of Love. ? Liked it. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Tue, 2012-10-09 07:23
Geezer
won't find a better title if I need to replace mine but as I said to bp I keep it with the form's name as my mentor Sir Wesley Snow liked to
Thanks for the visit. Much appreciated.
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author commentRula
Sat, 2012-10-13 11:37
Lonnie
Always generous in your comments.I'm happy you find this a worth read.
Thanks a lot
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