This poem is a poignant and honest reflection on the experience of grief, and the metaphor of a train ride is particularly effective in conveying the sense of being carried along by something unstoppable. The image of the "loaded cars full of our dreams and the essence of you" is especially powerful, evoking the weight of loss and the persistence of memory.

One suggested line edit would be to consider changing "were" in the last line to "are," to emphasize the ongoing impact of the person who has been lost. Another potential edit could be to add a comma after "note" in the third stanza, to clarify the phrasing.

Overall, this is a thoughtful and well-crafted poem that captures the complexity of grief in a way that is both accessible and moving.