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Tough & Hard Enough! (Mindful Memorable) #7

 If in written words
 I wanted to tell
how much I owe you
I'd need some more forests
with more trees 

I'd need more tears to flood
(the ink of the eyne)
to evince my real gratitude
for a heart I thought is mine.

Hence I'll quit the clichéd words
and quietly decline
leaving a blank piece of paper
with a naked simple sign
                                                   

                            Rula.Y.H.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

but you tell me, what makes it mindful and memorable?

"eyne"? it is an archaic word for the plural of eye, which doesn't seem to fit. Or is it a typo?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

you can tell me what makes it not,
if it is not which I think depends on how you read it and see it (opinion)...etc.
For me many things make it memorable and mindful.

*eyne = could be archaic, not sure.I've been lately told by a friend that it is classified
with other words like ox (pl. oxen) and child (pl.children).

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

a polite way to tell me that it is not mindful nor memorable?
Sorry if I misunderstood.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

about my opinions lately. I thought the content was mindful and memorable but the overall effect failed to move me. I don't know if that is my problem or the poem's.

I want to know what effect you intended to have on your reader.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

as exactly stated in the title Hard and tough enough to express to someone how much I owe him for anything and everything he gives/gave.
so does it leave any of this intents on you as a reader?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

well, yes, in a way, but it feels like a personal love poem to me, not something that would deeply impact many readers.
Sorry I'm being so wishy-washy. I normally know and state clearly what I feel about a poem, just personally in a confused place at the moment.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

maybe it is how you see it. Don't we always owe the people that we love-regardless if
it is personal or not.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

This definition of Memorable, well it has become too fuzzy.
We should write something that is probably not more than four lines, this would be for the readers eyne. Where the thought generated would last the readers life time.
Then for our own experience we can write as little or as much as we like it is for us only as a memory, I found this task near impossible and one that needs definition.
I defy anyone to write a piece that will be remembered by Neopoet's for longer than a few days..
Loved your piece as an individual poem though, Yours Ian.T

PS:- I think that this task should be left now or split into two parts, one for
ME the other for ALL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

for your comment. Happy you like it.
Regarding memorable and mindful, I think it is not fuzzy as much as it is wide in its definition and can be defined differently depending on the reader(imo)

As for me, when I say something is memorable, it is because it touched me in one way or another. It is presented in a new dress maybe with nice imagery and use of different range , or using different tools like metaphor, assonance , internal rhyme ...etc.

Now what touch me might not touch you or anyone else but I believe it doesn't mean it is not memorable in one way or another, and so on.
As for mindful , it is where you give the reader something to ponder and think . And again this is how I understand it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

but 'with more trees to do' - i would lose the 'to do'.
i really don't think it affects the rhyme that much, and it really is better grammar

i really like this write rula - especially the last verse
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

thanks for passing by .Always appreciated .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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