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Tonight

A sirens sounding,
My heart is pounding,
Anticipation is flowing
Through my veins.
No use fighting,
A feeling so exciting
Just let your heart take the reins..

Look into my eyes,
Don't look so surprised,
I've been watching you all night.
No time to hesitate,
Don't even speculate
Because I don't care
If it's wrong or right
tonight is the night.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Thankyou for reading xx
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love the short bursting lines with their sudden rhymes. This makes the atmosphere of your poem simply thrilling.
A few notes on meter:
Vs1, Ln3: if you dropped the 'is' in this line it would smooth the beat.
Vs1, Ln6: if you dropped the 'so' in this line it would smooth the beat.
Vs2, Ln8: You already said 'because' in the same thought. I think if you dropped the 'because' in this line it would smooth out the meter and give your exit-line all that much more punch.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem!
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

Yep I will take your advise and change it.
Thankyou

author comment

I see a very powerful poem here but I cannot help thinking maybe you don't need the last line of the first stanza, again and again, it seems to be redundant to me. Read without that line to see for yourself. This poem.can be taken in more than one way but my view is a meeting of two lovers. X

Thank you...Teddy

I think you are right thankyou x

author comment

It was a pleasure anytime. It reads so well now. Sometimes it's the little things we don't see by ourselves.
May I call you by a shorter name?

Thank you...Teddy

Hello ECP, good poem. The others have already made the same suggestions that I would have.
The title, theme and spacing are fine. No more nits. Bring on more.
Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Thankyou so much x

author comment
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