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Titanic...Only If Rose had Saved Jack!

She Smiles Beautifully
Imagine her at the beach
in smiles only
like in
Sink the Titanic
the princess barely wore
a diamond necklace

as her painter lover
painted her immortally

Then in a Red wagon
they did lay
palms stains
on the glass walls
which still remain
on display
only in smiles
no bikinis

wow he must be funny
sending you all alone

Lovely beachy
not bitchy smiles
for miles
in an open red wagon

Eh Poet
hope you enjoyed it
but what if Rose
had saved him!!!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Love the voice, as I do in most of your work. It's uninhibited and free in a way that reminds me of the beatniks. I especially loved the abrupt jump in the first stanza into,
"Sink the titanic."

I do, however (and if you'll permit), have a few minor points of feedback. I think the stanza,
where’s the hubby
He ought to be rubbing honey."
Reads slightly out of place to the rest of the piece. This is simply my opinion but as I found the rest of it to be quite poignant I feel it may read better with either a revised version, or without it. To add to that, I think the ending (while strong already) could be better emphasized as to drive the sentiment of it home.

Overall though, this was a piece I am glad to have read.

All the best,


I have known that you do read me
One doesn't come to know
who has and who has not read
unless you do comment
and so rightly advise
first half understood and deleted

Second point I am not quite clear could u kindly redefine Thanks

author comment
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