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Three short longings..

Submitted by vandiemenspeak on Thu, 2016-03-10 08:15

1. Queen of the sea

Queen of the sea,
I could spell your name backwards
in a hurricane.

Bourne by an ill wind for certain doom,
I would still recall the soft
line of beauty

That leads from the irresistible
cornered lip,
to the impassioned emerald eye.

The preserving spirit of my age-
you are,
the last glorious thing

fixed in the field
of a falling mind,
tumbling through the memories in ecstasy.

2. Day upon day

How can I stare
at that spot
on the wall
and think on
the nape of
your neck?

Hour upon hour
The feeling ripples out
crimson red echoes deep
from the heart of my hearts

How can I sit
sifting in silence
my imperfect daubs at
the mystery of
you?

Day upon day
I float in an eternity,
adrift on buoyant thought
in the embrace of your form

How can I tell lies
to my hands
pensive strum?

While I do away
with time, locked
in the vision,
the exquisite beckoning glow
of your eyes.

3. Sweetest rendezvous

How shall I describe the night to you
sweetest one?

From which shadowy tree did its darkness become?
What music drips from the branches there,

where moist perfumes enrich the thickened air?
How I wish upon the stillness that you,

could share this timeless rendezvous.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Longing, is a preoccupation of anybody who cares to recall the past.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Seren

Thu, 2016-03-10 12:07

Seren's picture

Loved every bit of it but,

I do actually have one suggestion if you don't like it just ignore it, not something I often do, I let the storyteller tell their own story

but this line

of a falling mind,

of a failing mind

would be awesome as well, just a thought but its an impressive write I thoroughly enjoyed the read

love Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Thu, 2016-03-10 17:53

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

the need to use the word falling, rather than [failing]. I say keep it as it is! Falling mind, tumbling through the memories in ecstasy, is more the image of a mind not failing, but just drifting through a peaceful time. ~ Gee.

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