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There
I will be a lighthouse
If fog makes you lose your way.
I will be a lifeguard
If waves go over your head and you are too weak to get back up to the surface.
I will be a star
On the darkest, stormiest night when all you can do is stumble.
I will be there.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Gracy
Sun, 2020-09-27 14:23
Hello BD6, lovely poem. It's
Hello BD6, lovely poem. It's powerful. I like your ideas of lighthouse, lifeguard and star. I tweaked one line because it seems too long, IMO. Take or toss. Title, theme, spacing and all else is fine. All the best, Gracy
If waves go over your head and you're too weak to return to the surface.
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury