Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Team effort...

Through the night, so ebony black
he moved with grace and calm
With confidence went, not looking back
moaning a mournful psalm

No one saw him passing by
just heard his voice so lonesome
They said; “Someone is to die”
Not being sure, what from

But 'Death' walks close, mark my word
I've heard that sound before
Scariest sound you've ever heard
I don't want to hear no more!

Shield your gentle eyes my friend
Look? Oh, I wouldn't dare!
To see his visage, is your end
I say this because I care

But if he comes for you tonight
I'll run and I'll scream a lot
I won't stay to help you fight
when I see that knife he's got!

Killer's on the loose again
he's gonna do his best
Loves to cause hurt and pain
stick that knife in someone's chest

Woe to those caught in the gloom
Run; if you are able
Stay inside, light your room
Or you'll be on Killer's table

There's muffled footfalls in the dark
tracking us tonight
My house is there, right by the park
I'll now bid you goodnight

Run, run fast, as you can
Don't you stop for anything
You can make it woman
just don't listen to him sing

Only a lonely tune for you
no music born of man
There's nothing left that I can do
I sure hope you understand

Almost home and I hear a song
more like a scream, I guess
It didn't take too very long
I'll bet he ruined her dress

I hope that Killer's satisfied
no more hunting on tonight
I feel real bad, I had to lie
I was turning left, not right

But I didn't know her well
a one night stand, she was
Although she was kinda swell
once she caught a buzz

There's chops and thuds, thumps and thunks
No more screaming do I hear
I imagine now that she's just chunks
So very sorry dear

Soon there is a savory scent
wafting through the wood
A ghost goes by, dresses rent
and I smell something good

Time to eat; 'Killer' calls
“Come, pull up a chair”
Sir Gee won't come, he has no balls
I yell back, I'll be right there

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


A seemingly gentle return of Killer but I suppose the end result is the same.
There are just a few extra words that can be "cut out" (PUNNY).
The only line I couldn't go with was:-
"I don't want to hear no more!"
This to me is a "double negative" and from a long time ago a minus and a minus makes a plus lol.
See some parts of my memory is working, I enjoyed the bringing in of Killer in this way, Digit is still in New York, he has to assess many things so he said that he is going to really look around first as the USA is such a big place and he has to get use to many things, not impressed with driving on the wrong side LOL.
Take care young Gee and know we are thinking of you all out there sometimes in a good light.
Yours as always Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'll have to fix that double negative, huh?

I'd do it, sure, then it'd be alright
no two negatives for me
But, it might be a plus tonight
a way of speaking here, you see

What's proper English, don't matter none
if you ain't educated
The way some speak, my fancy son
is highly overrated

It seems to me, that since Americans were the first to really
make roads for cars and embrace them so readily, that it might be you guys that are driving on the wrong side! LOL

Always, ~ Gee

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

If we drove on the pavement here
It would be the law we'd have to fear
On our cars we put a bonnet and boot
To us here it seemed rather cute
Al Capone would love your hood
As they are in front it is understood
Was there an elephant in your dream
To push at the back or so it seems
A bastard English springs to mind
As you have left the old country behind..
Have a lovely day Y'All, Yours S[parrow

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Nice one, Sir Gee! Killer is once again on the prowl with blade in hand and ready to howl, his deadly scream as he shoves his knife, into your heart to take your life! LOL!!

thanks for the warm welcome!
Killer is just getting started, he needs to get back in practice.
He has been spending a little time getting his head straight.
Now he is ready to make the world tremble again! ~ Gee

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

veterans and crime books..
nurses and the seventies
a good combo for a kids age
no internet
no portable phones

hydro went out often
world was scary then as it is now..

poetry is an apt place for all
venues of thoughts
and work

i also grew up with radio plays
and documentaries

darkness lives today as much
as it did
and does

sir gee
and killer

i like this business of writing

the world was as scary a place yesterday as it is today. I remember reading True Crime magazines and Alfred Hitchcock murder-mysteries when I was a teenager. I listened to The Murder Mystery Hour on the radio up until a few years ago, when the program was discontinued.
Yes, poetry does have room for all the thoughts of any man, woman or child.
I'm glad that there are places like Neo. to be able to [within reason], voice those thoughts.
I ;like this reading and writing too. Thanks for the comments, ~ Gee

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.