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Teach Me More (Mindful Memorable WS # 6)
you taught me to soar
without wings
to paint with words
to sleep
on the clouds
to hug and kiss the stars
to sway
and bask the best of the day
even if it were dark
you taught me
every little hearty bit
almost everything I want
but you never
told me
where- when you leave
to keep
my heart
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Jordan
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Comments
docmaverick
Wed, 2012-09-19 06:57
Rula....
...to my ear, this is true poetry. I can actually FEEL you inside your scribblings; and I really liked it!
Good day,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
Rula
Sun, 2012-09-23 00:27
Thanks doc
so happy you've enjoyed this one.
have a cheerful day!
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author commentRula
Sun, 2012-09-23 00:25
Lonnie!
your lovely comment means a lot. Thanks for passing by and dropping such great words.
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author commentIan.T
Thu, 2012-09-20 04:10
Rula
We see your heart in your words they have brought us the beauty that is there, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Sun, 2012-09-23 00:27
Ian
the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Thanks for the compliment.
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author commentjudyanne
Fri, 2012-09-21 12:07
this is awesome rula
this is awesome rula
the only thing that spoils it for me is the repeating of ‘heart’, not only are they only six lies separate, but also, with both finishing the line, they really stick out
what do you think about changing one? to maybe make the first one ‘breast’, ‘affections’, ‘centre’…
‘
I can’t pick any favourite lines – I would have to write them all out. well done, and memorable in its beauty of imagery
- soaring without wings, painting with words, sleeping on the clouds....
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2012-09-23 00:18
Thanks
for the suggestion dear Judy . Hope it reads better now.
So happy you find this a memorable one.
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author commentRula
Sun, 2012-09-23 00:20
Subjenctive mood
isn't it ?
Done with many thanks for reading and for the suggestion
Have a nice day dear Kelesy.
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author commentBlueDemon77
Mon, 2012-09-24 21:51
Very well done Rula!
Your voice here is like a feather-touch. It's so easy to lapse into the sentimental when speaking so openly of love. You did it the hard way, the real way. You gave us the blue rose and its thorns. Exquisitely done!
Ron
Blue Demon77
"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."
The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath
scribbler
Mon, 2012-09-24 21:59
Hi Rula
Can't find a word I'd change. But try line breaks between line 6 and 7 then between line 9 and 10 and see if you like it...................stan
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-09-25 11:49
Mindful, memorable freeform,
you have fulfilled the task, with great feedback and revisions.
I fucking love this site!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Rula
Mon, 2013-03-04 10:17
sorry for the belated replay
and thanks for the visit and the kind comment sir!
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