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A TASTE OF A FAIRY TALE

You appearred not as prince charming but a demi god.
Broke through walls, made warm the cold heart
Debunked the lies,
And let me have a taste of love.
You didn’t only say the words, you proved them;
You showed me how beautiful trying new can be,
Let me dive unafraid into oceans,
And fly freely like a bird.
You became my solace and anchor.
You were everything perfection and positivity.
The world itself felt so alive and vibrant;
Colors made distinct sense and
Insects buzzing perfect melody.
Lost in your arms, we swam into ocean’s deep
And Without notice came the demand “icing on the cake,
An introduction to the stage of an amazing us” you said.
No was unacceptable to you as the sacrifice costly to me.
Complains became the order,
I tried to make you smile like you once did
Sang sweet symphonies in honor of you
But all pleas fell on deaf ears while you walked away,
Leaving me at the mercy of the deep.
I lost my will to survive this and let the current take over.
Here I am again in this darkness where you once rescued me from
But this time it is deadlier than it once was.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
this poem captures feeling about a lost love that was stillbirth before it bloomed...
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

by another lost and lonely heart. I can appreciate the emotion here. The only critique I can offer to you, is that you slipped tense, in the beginning. [Appear] should be appeared, and you should never use abreviations like [u] for you in poetry. Other than that, very good. Oh, and welcome to Neopoet, I hope you gain great satisfaction in your stay here. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you very much I really appreciate

Oriii

author comment

Thank you for the comment I do appreciate you take on the poem

Oriii

author comment
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