Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A TASTE OF A FAIRY TALE

You appearred not as prince charming but a demi god.
Broke through walls, made warm the cold heart
Debunked the lies,
And let me have a taste of love.
You didn’t only say the words, you proved them;
You showed me how beautiful trying new can be,
Let me dive unafraid into oceans,
And fly freely like a bird.
You became my solace and anchor.
You were everything perfection and positivity.
The world itself felt so alive and vibrant;
Colors made distinct sense and
Insects buzzing perfect melody.
Lost in your arms, we swam into ocean’s deep
And Without notice came the demand “icing on the cake,
An introduction to the stage of an amazing us” you said.
No was unacceptable to you as the sacrifice costly to me.
Complains became the order,
I tried to make you smile like you once did
Sang sweet symphonies in honor of you
But all pleas fell on deaf ears while you walked away,
Leaving me at the mercy of the deep.
I lost my will to survive this and let the current take over.
Here I am again in this darkness where you once rescued me from
But this time it is deadlier than it once was.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
this poem captures feeling about a lost love that was stillbirth before it bloomed...
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

by another lost and lonely heart. I can appreciate the emotion here. The only critique I can offer to you, is that you slipped tense, in the beginning. [Appear] should be appeared, and you should never use abreviations like [u] for you in poetry. Other than that, very good. Oh, and welcome to Neopoet, I hope you gain great satisfaction in your stay here. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

Thank you very much I really appreciate

Oriii

author comment

I like the style of this, the emotion is raw and honest you tell it as it feels, we have all felt this or we will feel this at some point in life. I hope by writing it down gives some sort of closure.

One thing to think about your title
By just adding a word
A Taste Of A Fairytale
may sound more inviting to the reader.

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you for the comment I do appreciate you take on the poem

Oriii

author comment

Just one word can make a difference, it's my pleasure. X

Thank you...Teddy

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.