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Take My Hand

I've come to you
from the darkest nights of loneliness
having no one else to love
you have always been the girl that
I've dreamed of showing my true love to
baby I cant stop loving you

Take my hand
show me how to love you
take me from the darkness into light
filled with your ever lasting love
cause I've never been there before
until you came knocking at my door
to my heart
I hope our love last forever more
(END)

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I'm looking for help with ideas for how specific I can put my poetry..As In: does it have to rhyme for every line or stanza in the poem? Is there a particular way that most freestyle poets use that I am missing? Is the beginning/ending too dull? Is the critique too weak? i write what i feel and use my own form of critique... Any suggestions are greatly appreciated...
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

Hi... I’m very new, and wanted to visit with you a little bit.

To your question about rhyme scheme, I think yours is what I would call soft rhyme, not too structured, but it works. The rhythm bounces along, and creates the mood and the symmetry needed for us to recognize that the two stanzas are in the same poem. Your rhyme is contemporary, in that it’s slightly less noticeable than in classic pieces, but the rhyming pattern is definitely there!

My favourite lines were

cause I’ve never been there before
until you came knocking at my door
to my heart
I hope our love lasts forevermore

These lines are innocent, and magical.

The only suggestions I would make would be to consider

until you came knocking at THE door
to my heart
I hope our love LASTS forevermore.

I felt the beauty and the sweetness of this poem. :)

Smiles to you.

Legna

As Legna says, you have written a poem that if it s a poem to a real love, I suppose that she might give you a real consideration. It is a sweet and innocent thing that might just tip the scales in your direction. My only advice at this time, is to keep writing from the heart and finding new stories to tell.
Take the time to read poems from here and elsewhere to sharpen your sense of how to put the story to paper. I hope that you will grow here and learn to express yourself in an ever increasing manner.
Good luck, ~ Geezer.
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