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Sweet Woods
Before all the birds
in the woods start to chirrup,
the trees in the woods give their syrup
Before all the plants
in the woods start to flower,
the daylight grows longer by hour
Before everything
turns emerald green,
The snow gives the woods
a magical sheen
Sweet follows sweet
Follows sweet
In the woods
at the end of the street
Before cool takes the place
of the blazing sun,
The aestival rivers do run
Before squirrels gather nuts and bears prepare beds,
the ducks in the ponds
bury their heads
Before all the leaves
turn their manifold colors,
the woods give us blue, yellow, red and black feathers
Sweet follows sweet
follows sweet
In the woods
at the end of the street
In the woods
at the end of the street
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Thu, 2019-03-07 04:55
Greg
This is really sweet. Seems like lyrics for a new song
We'd like to hear it sung if so
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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gregwa8
Thu, 2019-03-07 17:21
Thanks Rula! I’ve been doing
Thanks Rula! I’ve been doing a lot of song writing recently (mini song writing actually). This song is over there, too! It’s @minigregwalker on IG. I followed you today.
Geezer
Thu, 2019-03-07 17:35
Sweet woods...
I can't figure out if this is about Spring or Fall. You start with syrup flowing and then go to the leaves changing color. A mixed bag here. Nice lines, but a little confusing. ~Geezer.
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gregwa8
Thu, 2019-03-07 17:50
I see how it can be confusing
I see how it can be confusing, though I’m happy to hear you on the the right track. I’ll rewrite to make it clearer. Thx!
Geezer
Fri, 2019-03-08 09:43
Better...
Now you have some continuity. I see the rhythm of the Sweet Woods now. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.