Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Swan Dive

The old bridge lantern swung to and fro, searching
wanting just once more to illuminate anything
before its life flickered out.

Then she stepped out of the shadow into its light
tentatively, one foot first, as though testing the water
like a diver does before climbing the ladder.

Each cold rung reminded her of failed dreams
as she pulled herself upward for the first time
only to reach the heights of despair.

Now she stands high above her sins
arms raised in supplication, hands together in one last prayer
and makes the leap of faithlessness.

She barely leaves a ripple, her life’s story
and waits for an eternity
to see the judges score.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

and would like to see you refine it. I'd like it to be a little more clear about the lantern. Who was holding it?
Fate? Ghosts of the past dreams and aspirations? ~ Geezer

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

This just seemed to be severely split into two stories, the entrance of the shadow lady then the diver in the competition.
They never became one so there needs to be a joining at the beginning, I can see her there on the old bridge going for that last dive as her life turns but then you must join her thoughts to the thinking of being a diver..
Have a good think and a sort, too many people watching, this is a great theme and the process from the old bridge where she ended her life waiting for the judges needs more flow,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

this again, I think I understand it a little better than the first time. As you might be able to tell from my own writings, I am not much of a minimalist. However, I have been reading more short works and thinking more about how to interpret them. I see the scene much clearer now and understand that she has committed suicide and may have used the scene in her head to help her through to the end. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

this again, I think I understand it a little better than the first time. As you might be able to tell from my own writings, I am not much of a minimalist. However, I have been reading more short works and thinking more about how to interpret them. I see the scene much clearer now and understand that she has committed suicide and may have used the scene in her head to help her through to the end. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.