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Summer’s Defiance
For several weeks a solitary leaf swings atop a tall maple,
held there only by unwavering resolve.
The rest have long ago become the crackling carpet beneath my feet.
But this sole survivor scorns such destiny.
Buffeted by bracing breeze this brown and brittle
vestige of the summer rejects surrender still.
And in its persistence winter is envisioned held at bay,
like some ferocious beast before night’s fire.
Circling at a distance waiting for the flame to die
before it pounces in.
And as winter waits each morning opens up its eye to
see if night has managed to dislodge this obstacle to season’s change.
As do I with joy and at the
same time a certain irritation.
Applause for such an absurd notion mingled with
desire for winter's dust.
No doubt one morning will be greeted soon with
swirling snow proclaiming winter's rightful reign.
And with it a hidden hope that little leaf has
vanished in the night.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
themoonman
Tue, 2012-08-21 05:12
Hi,
Great subject matter, love the whole idea as it gave
me the entire picture of that one brown leaf precariously
holding on. On my second read, I thought perhaps some
culling and a comma here and there may help this poem
(or not), it reads well as is but there is always room for
improvement.
The rest have long ago become the crackling carpet
beneath my feet, or
the rest long ago became the crackling carpet below,
just a suggestion but sometimes cutting out some
of the "have's and the's" and references to one's self
can not only help a reader relate but stay for the ending,
which I thought was very good.
appreciate your posting of this poem, thanks for sharing.
Richard
captjack
Thu, 2012-08-23 22:23
Thanks
Thank you for the read and the advice Richard, which made perfect sense to me. I will take full advantage of your suggestions.
Again, much thanks.
Gerry
Gerald Walsh
author commentIan.T
Tue, 2012-08-21 06:52
Captjack
Richard said it all, I loved the theme which in itself could be multi purpose as to us hanging on to our youth, or just last weeks Summer's day,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
captjack
Thu, 2012-08-23 22:21
Thanks for the read and comment
Thank you much for the read and comment, Ian T., it is greatly appreciated.
Gerry
Gerald Walsh
author commentscribbler
Thu, 2012-08-23 23:16
Hi
Not since Frost have I read as good a poem about that last leaf on a tree. I don't see any obvious words to change but it might present less of a "word wall" were you to break it into 3-4 stanzas................stan
judyanne
Fri, 2012-08-24 02:04
love the title
I also really like this poem. I agree that it needs some culling – only a few words mind you,
but more so, imo it seems a little dry – just to me I stress
I like the idea, but I think you might have made it more personal. for example, speak to the leaf rather than tell us about it.
eg
For several weeks you have swung
a solitary leaf atop a tall maple
held only by unwavering resolve.
The rest have long ago
become the crackling carpet beneath my feet,
but you, the sole survivor
you scorn such destiny....
... and so on
an enjoyable read, nice write, with really great descriptive and underlying theme
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Sun, 2012-08-26 05:04
Listen to Stan
this is a 'word wall'
What that does is defer your reader, they are daunted.
Be kind to your reader, help them.
The rest of the comments are valid, this is a very good poem.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Wed, 2014-11-26 21:38
Good revisions
it doesn't take much to make a poem quite different, eh.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry