Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Suddenly

*SUDDENLY*

The firmament clear & bright
The flowers captivate man sight
The song birds sing gave strength & might
To walk along side
The Queen of the coast side
Giving a pleasant feeling inside
& a gloomy joy on the outside.

Suddenly.
Suddenly.

The nature changed form
Cloudy storm
Stormy wind
Windy day

In the middle of the ocean
Did I find me, Searching for a clear end
But all I see is a dead end.

How did I get here?
Why am I here?
The upright noise of the waters echo
Into my ears, let GO
My heart sank
Like a needle in a water tank
Waiting for Elisha
To call out the sunk heart
From the deep abyss of disarrayed emotions.

How did I get here?
Can I leave here?
Will I survive in here?
The mysteries I don't know
Which gives me tears & fears.

Poroye Ezekiel Tobiloba (POET)
Palace of Exclusive Thoughts

Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to neopoet. A great deal of vivid imagery and emotion here. Look forward to reading more......stan

It reminds me of the style and shape of the poems by Wole Soyinka, one of the great Nigerian poets.
Whether consciously or not. We all, almost every poet, creates his style within the cultural totality of a culture. Your poem is a good poem, and shows a lot of maturity.
There are some great images and lines like-
.
To call out the sunk heart
From the deep abyss of disarrayed emotions.

I was not able to grasp this stanza:

In the middle of the ocean
Did I find me, Searching for a clear end
But all I see is a dead end.

I could not find an image of a dead end to the middle of the ocean.

There are many different voices and commentators here on Neopoet. We clearly are engaged in a good debate about certain aspects of poetry. I am one who likes to know what he is reading, I feel the poet should offer me enough information either in the poem or in notes about the poem to aid me, the reader, to get his "drift", his poetic center. There is too much here I do not "understand" - who is Elisha, or where "here" is. I think, personally, the most successful poets and poems are those in which offer a coherent center, like composition in painting, and then use color to create the magic. It doesn't have to be explained- Poe does not explain what the Raven means or Nevermore, but we are part of the history of the poem.
I leave this poem wanting to know more, rather than enjoying the high level of images and metaphysical questions. I would love to see more of your work!
Welcome.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Eumolpus. thanks so much. I appreciate your comment. I actually joined this community to learn more

author comment

Enjoyed the imagery.
The first 7 stanzas are wonderful however I'd liked to see a change in the end word rhyming, maybe every third word with a different sound to make it pop more.

Example
Life has me down;
no where, can I be found;
Into a pit, I've fallen;
I keep calling;
no one can hear me;
nor can they see,
that I've fallen;
they keep stalling.

Off top of my head tho not the best; shared to explain what I meant. Just my suggestion; not to be taken as how you should write.

~
*Your present reality is a creation of your making good or bad..
*Poetry "Words weren't meant to impose but heal"
*Create Collaborative Poetry ~ Modern Day Japanese Renga
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/collaborative-poetry-beginners
Barbara

Thanks Barbara. I really hope I can learn.from you.
Like I said I'm new to poetry. it's not my discipline, just started the journey.
thanks

author comment

It's a joy here to help new ones and beginners find their poetic voice.

~
*Your present reality is a creation of your making good or bad..
*Poetry "Words weren't meant to impose but heal"
*Create Collaborative Poetry ~ Modern Day Japanese Renga
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/collaborative-poetry-beginners
Barbara

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.