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Strict Comment

What self indulgent crap we spout
When sitting here tapping words out
As we bring each other to our knees
Or should we test cryogenic freeze

Where are those talks in simple phrases
That we had when walking with you my friend
It seems when typing words here and now
The crap stretches on and on without end

Oh! you may say it took you many a day
To produce words in metered rows this way
But why do you make my eyes suffer so
As on and on the unadulterated crap does go

Can't you spend a moment or two
Of lifes journey together, me and you
By just sitting still with mind at rest
Forget all the crap, you know it's best

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just a start LOL
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am guessing from this poem, you are not happy with meter. Meter is not my friend either and I have refrained from posting anything new because I know it isn't going to structurally make sense. Even though the words make sense to me. I am a free writer and grasping strict structure is hard for me. Hope you are not too discouraged, I enjoy your writes and positive words.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I am very happy with meter and the many classic forms of poetry.
This was initially a fun write and it is producing a few very good comments (How dare I LOL).
It shows how some feel about the classic way of writing and the many grand structures it takes.
Neopoet is a classic teaching place, but is still leaving a great amount of room for modern poetry.
I wish that there could be a definition of Modern writing, that we could use as a template.
People throughout the ages have stayed with the classic forms, they were a way of teaching the many about what they should do.
The Bible in it's classic form of Stanzas and rhyme, probably the other religious books are written the same as rhyme seems to teach a lot of people in groups a particular way of life.
I see the men in their black coats and tall hats nodding at a wall in Jerusalem chanting away, I have seen the children of Africa learn in school by singing or chanting.
There the classics rule (Long Live The Classics)
Now to modern forms one day the world of writing will look back and say That was a great way of doing things we will teach Freedom as a main subject, I wonder what their parameters will be ( Para meters they are men or women that carry out an invasion of any country, stuck in the past using correct form ) young people everywhere with inbuilt I pads inserted when they are a few days old lol.
Take care young Carrie thanks for your reveiw and input it is always welcome, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

It's difficult to write in meter and make it sound natural! and it's hard to keep it consistent. I write in meter
( I think ). But I find it liberating writng in free verse.

( I must do that more often - specially after reading your poem ). He he

I think there is room in poetry for different types of poems - there is skill in both - but it's easier to tell it from the heart in free verse. ( just my opinion ).

Interesting!

Love Mand xxxxx

( did you mean to change the rhyming structure? ) Stanza two is different. Phases..friend.. now..end.

Thanks for your visit, yes you keep on writing freely it is modern, though the classics are there and can be learnt in their strict format, it is like choosing a Font on the puter it is up to the individual.
We have so many wonderful poets giving their works here for us to read and enjoy, where they show us a part of another life or thought..
FREEDOM is great.
As to the classics they are there and should be honoured, if anyone wishes to learn how to write them we have great workshops.
Not sure where it leaves the free poets here, in that I join the odd workshop and try the unusual poetry form, then revert to my own style of writing if there is a style left anymore.
Where does that leave us, Neopoet is set up to teach poets usually the correct form as per the classics, this would then lead to a poetry school that if artists, would still be painting Stainglass windows or chapel ceilings.
There is a job to be carried out that is who will teach our children Modern poetry, and what are the forms it should take???
Good to have a fun write that stirs the daily words up, Yours Ian.T xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I think we can learn new things and this doesn't harm at all. You then take what you find good for you.
I've lately been criticised on another poetry-site for sacrificing the language syntax for the sake of the meter or the rhyme, and this disheartened me. I am now not sure of anything I write. But then I think what finally counts at least for me is keeping in touch with the language through something interesting like writing poetry.
Sorry for carrying on, but I wanted to say that this really hits home.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you young Lady for your comment.
The mention of meter was just a mention not a gripe, it was the whole concept of spending so much time on writing a piece where it leaves the range of normal talk.
The old classics bless their cotton socks, can be kept in their own bookcase and form, but this is now 2000's plus, and we can talk in many more ways.
Your way of talking to us in your poetry has to be kept normal, and don't worry what others say, I think that you have learned enough of the correct ways of poetry to enable you to choose what for to use or where you just talk from your heart, I love the latter.
I jotted this down when I had a few minutes to spare the other night or morning, it was more a fun write but it has brought out some very interesting points.
Thanks again, you just write as the mood takes you it will be read with great interest..
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Sometimes you just have to keep it simple, but then sometimes I write in the surreal because that's where the thoughts go lol, this is a different write from you I wasn't sure what to expect. But I enjoyed the journey, As you know I write in meter and freeverse I am working on a metered piece at the moment its my first for quite some time and its been a challenge, I have to say I have missed reading your work its always a pleasure :)

hope to catch up with you soon !!

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I love you so much for saying out loud what I always wanted to say but couldn't. I too feel that complex phrases in poems are eye sores and couldn't ever enjoy poems with them. But so far I thought the fault was truly in my brain. I thought I'm not brainy enough to understand and enjoy such or that I still have to develop my poetic mind. So now, I'm so so relieved that I'm not alone and to know that I'm okay.
:-D

On the other hand, this poem of yours is so simple that I don't have to rake my brain to understand it.

I simply love the way you’ve rhymed the ends of every two lines. My day at work was hectic and I’m so glad that I came across this poem. It’s like a 'soothing cuppa aromatic tea' at the end of a tiresome day!

I enjoyed it sitting back relaxed on my chair.

Thank you so much!
And a big hug too!!

~ Nilmini

but... I tend to think that meter and classical forms offer more of a liberating effect than verso libre.
Ian, this tells me you are improving in that respect. This is pretty good stuff.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Of course my classic poetry and free poetry has improved with learning the ways of the old Masters/Bards.
I do think though that we have a duty, not only to teach the classics but to nurture all poets that come to Neopoet.
This piece has turned up interest from more than my normal writes and I have to think why.
It is, that there are many out there who have stories to tell of life as it is through their eyes, and then the fictional writers that summon the legends from wherever and the killers as Gee does, in his foray into another realm.
We need structure in all things we do and a good base to hold all things up where we can judge or see them as times change.
I would not ask Constable to paint a Picasso, or a wall painter from the stone age to paint a modern picture, but we can learn from them all and give them a place in the evolution of painting.
We must do this for our poets or we will lose a few generations of writers.
I muddle on in my own way and thank you for the improvement I have had in my poetry as I thank all that are here.
I would love to see a new structured poetry, using the guide lines as we always do, but to invent our style of the 21st century where it will be recognised as this ages works.
I may not see this style become a 21st century style but I will watch over those that will try..
I wonder what it will be like, Rap, rock or text, it has to come or they will need a translation for our present works, and say this was it.
My thoughts and sometimes my writings are stuck in the 20th century but I would love to walk with those new poets as they make a new style..
Thanks again for your attention to my write and an excellent comment, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Again your opening stanza encapsulates your poem entirely .
Jimm

Thank you for your great comment, it is good of you to break away from your higher self to comment on such as this, Thanks again for your visit, I send you my unconditional love as always,
Yours Yenti

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

when you have time comment constructively and i'm sure I'll listen.
Jimm

Ian, you nailed it. Free verse or meter -- it only matters what works for each of us. How we are viewed is a matter of different aesthetic values...I am on 2 different sites--good results on one; poor results on NEO. After 40 years of teaching literature [LATIN CLASSICS TO MODERN WESTERN] nothing else appealed to me but Ovid and Virgil and the French Romantics...and Dante, But that is my personal aesthetic, which doesn't discount all others less than poetic. We need to let go of our ego when we write and when we critique.

Joe

Thank you, sorry I didn't get back to you sooner the Cynical comments by another poet stopped me for a while I didn't want to reply to such comments.
There was me thinking you had to be clever to be sarcastic lol, but I guess there are some exceptions to the rule.
Thank you again young Joe and I hope you have a few days of being better for a while,
Thinking of you as usual,
Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

you are a wonder
to tame raw animals

loved

I is fine, my skin is thicker than a Hippo's.
Thanks for dropping in, great to see you here.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I just composed all about you
on another one
go and read
you will love it
indeed

loved

I had read your comment before reaching this one.
"Thank you" we have many things to do in 2014.
Will be there as you cross that bridge to MMXIV
I shall write a few different pieces then, though I have already posted one from yesterday.
See you soon young Bard,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I feel blessed that I have the caring hand of
Geremia Stan and you Ian--------------
who have helped my becoming a poet
and
Grateful to you all I am,
else I would have been no one
at times others mostly at my expense have fun

loved

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