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Storytelling in Pink (No 17 Creel's story)

Submitted by Ian.T on Mon, 2014-10-06 18:22

Ask Fitzroy he has had a body left behind that in stature resembles his, while he and Mackwill's wife are away to have a damn good time, the body may have been supplied by me J Creel to disgrace the hotel LOL, but I was a little late as someone was there before me.
I told him he was finished in this city.
Thank you Mog, how many of you thought he wasn't real,
Yours Creel.
PS:- Mog or one of them is short for Morgan a man of the night who will do anything without question lol, he has an identical twin and they are both evil.

I Creel relates

A sultry character who didn’t give his name
Asked me if he could join in with my game
I told him what I knew so far of my hate for Mackwill
He smiled at me and said there are a few things to do
He was paid by Fitzroy who wanted time to flee with his new find
I asked what, he said don’t you know, Mackwill’s wife was why.
We planted a body behind his hotel, without a head so they can’t tell
A friend I know at a local morgue gave it to me free.

I asked the man what of the head, he said buried in Tyburn’s bed.
Why do you want to hurt Mackwill as a few of us do?
He told me a story not sure if it’s true, so I may add it to my tale.
That’s Mackwill fate, its great fun for me to see another with hate
Those detectives haven’t got a clue, knife, blood, I had left a few.
I think that a whisper in a detective’s ear, will make it clear.
I found many that have the same hatred of that Hotel.
But that is another tale, if they ever interview me I shall tell.

He, He, He, love you all, sometimes known as Ian.T..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This will give the workshop a chance of closure or we will start tying ourselves in knots, like not this or that. The old prison of Tyburn that executed people for about 500 years is famous but closed in 1780's due to the public hangings were not good for the Oxford Street area a very interesting read for those interested. The prisoners that were to be hung were transported to the hanging place, but were allowed to stop at an ale house on the way to their deaths this is where "One for the road" saying comes from. but the graveyard was still there, that's where the heads are buried and will never see the light of day again La La
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Storytelling in Verse: A Study in Pink.

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

Mon, 2014-10-06 18:45

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

The body was already dead..fetched from the morgue to look like fitzroy..so no one was really killed...just made to look that way...oh what a twist this has taken. ...

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-10-06 19:01

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See I told you there was a twist in the tale.
But Mackwill will have to be arrested for this crime and when they find the second body in the canal without a head it will look like Mackwill killed them both, yet the laugh is on him I get my revenge and Fitzroy gets the girl ROTFLMAO,
Yours J Creel xx
PS:- I is really wonderful ???

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Mon, 2014-10-06 19:49

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I love it...so many creative minds have gone into this....iknow Wes is looking to wind this down....its been alot of fun...

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Barbara Writes

Mon, 2014-10-06 21:46

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Great twist. Ready to wind it down. I see the climax

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Ian.T

Tue, 2014-10-07 03:53

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Thanks for your visit, yes I thought this would give everyone a chance to wind the story down .
The police must get it wrong and arrest Mackwill and cart him off to Newgate prison or where ever the local prison is, I watched him squirm and shout as they took him away lol.
The others can sort out a story as to where they will end up as the dust settles.
It will take some closure though, I think I could find it in my generous part buy the hotel at a cheap price, and I will feel so bad about that LOL.
Take care young lady and I hope I don't get blamed for anything ????
Yours, J Creel

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

wesley snow

Tue, 2014-10-07 12:09

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Let's not get into the habit. Sixteen lines of poetry is what we get and all we get. You'll not be punished Ian or perhaps I will tell Mog where you live.
Okay Loved... it's up to you. Jess, are you ready?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Ian.T

Tue, 2014-10-07 18:12

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Did I write prose, well an error of my ways I shall await the final edit of this strange horrible tale.
I sent to Digit to London town this morning to talk with Mog,.
He has returned full of new horror stories and great ideas for when he returns to the states later to be at the liberty bell as promised.
He said that Mog was a cool dude from the states and a whisper away from madness, but we all have our crosses to bear, I joined Neopoet didn't I, LOL.
Yours with love and expected feed for Digit,
Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Rula

Wed, 2014-10-08 12:57

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This tells that Fitzroy is still alive somewhere hanging out with Mack will's wife? Right?
If so, whose bodies are found in the canal
Can't wait to get the whole story? Loved should come up with the news .

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Ian.T

Fri, 2014-10-10 03:44

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The body in the canal is another headless one that is to be what they think is Mackwill's wife.
So that Fitzroy and Mackwill's wife can go live some place as they are so in love LOL.
Mackwill is going down for this and J Creel will buy the hotel that he has been waiting for, that is why he has framed Mackwill with the double murder, in those days the police and the court could be made to do most anything ,money spoke volumes.
Not even sure we had a jury service then, I think all that there was, was a prosecution and any paid witness, and they even were paid to swear on oath about people.
Thanks for your visit it was hard in those days, but OK if you had money to spare.
Yours as always Ian.T
PS:- Fitzroy and his supposed wife came into York this morning on the mail coach, lol no-one questions the gentry..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Wed, 2014-10-08 13:30

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I thought Mackwill and Fitzroy were having a sexual relationship? Was he having a threesome with Mackwill and his wife? Perhaps one got jealous of the other? Than we have the idea that there wasn't even a murder at all. This was a body donated by the morgue to be used as a decoy so Fitzroy could escape whatever is after him. What a twisted web we weave...

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

wesley snow

Fri, 2014-10-10 09:54

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does not have a jury system. You face a judge. The lawyers are referred to as "jurists" when they argue the case.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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wesley snow

Thu, 2014-10-09 18:23

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Everyone follows by this rule: no editing. Once it has been moved to The Main Thread it is in granite.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Ian.T

Fri, 2014-10-10 03:29

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As Jess was in, then pulled out there was a need for my part to be edited but I am now not sure where the whole thing stands maybe reverting to the original is OK so will have a check later to see what if anything is needed, I had made reference to his part in my piece but it will have to be as is, not sure if there will be a final edit or tidy up, but what ever you say goes..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2014-10-10 09:55

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No tidying up.
Storytelling is a messy business.

Like making sausage.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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