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The Story of an Outcast:(

Submitted by Troy on Wed, 2020-04-29 14:55

Losing so much, asking myself, was I ever supposed to win?
Trying to fit, acting like someone else, still wouldn't let me in
Damaging mentally, but also have me slicing my skin
Tearing me down on the outside, so that I have no love for me within

No one sees it but in the mirror, a boy with tears is reflected
Although loneliness is my friend, it reminds me I am still neglected
I open my heart to the world, and it rejects it
I guess suicide is the only way I will be accepted

Style / type: 
Free verse
Last few words: 
I do not expect strong criticism. I just want to express myself through poetry
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Man's effect on our world (October Contest

Comments

c lynn brooks

Wed, 2020-04-29 21:48

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welcome to Neo Poet
Your poem has the rhythm of a rap song

nice rhyming
sad that you should feel this way though. Keep in mind that there is always something to live for no matter how small it is

Chrys

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Geezer

Wed, 2020-04-29 16:38

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to have a working knowledge of poetry, a fair sense of pattern, rhythm and rhyme. I am not really fond of the theme and hope that those thoughts leave your head. I'm sure that at least a few people have told you that you are worth while. Don't just blow that off, if you need to express yourself, this is the place to do it, but you will get that a lot here. We mean it when we say we are family. So, take the comments and critique in stride and make better poetry than you ever have. You can be sure that we won't beat you up, we just make suggestions and it is up to you to decide what and if you want to use. Welcome to Neo.
~ Geezer.
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Gracy

Wed, 2020-04-29 17:24

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Hi Troy and welcome to neopoet. I'm also fairly new here. You have good knowledge of rhyming and you've deftly put your thoughts into two quartets. That's always a thumbs up for me! I dislike poems that go on forever.
Unfortunately, I have had suicides in my family. Remember that you're always a worthy person, despite having done anything bad, which I'm sure you haven't.
Here we're a family, express whatever you feel like sharing, it's always welcome.
BTW, the lines below my comments are from Sylvia Plath, she means that, to make it short, humankind has brains about the size or equivalent to that of sheep. It's not about God or in any way religious.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Simon

Thu, 2020-04-30 11:17

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It's nice poem that you brought up in here rhythm and rhyme are not easy to put though I appreciate those try that,
Well sucuide is not an option for acceptance strongness is an answer.

I rather learn how to fish than beg for one

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