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Springtime Haiku...

brightly hued blossoms
chill breezes, frozen fingers
delight in her grasp

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

my idea of haiku. It introduces the season with suggestions and finishes with a surprise line that ties the other two lines together. I especially enjoyed your use of two of our six senses, but the emotive last line is a perfect frame. Very good!

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

I kept the original idea and the last line, because I thought that you had a point. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
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author comment

Hello, Geez.
You've wasted two words with personal pronouns, the "nature" bit is fine but why are you in it.

Hate these damned things btw,,, a tad beyond me,,, yeah yeah yeah, a personal pronoun, I know!

Obi.

no personal pronouns! Thank you for your critique, it made me go back and take a second look at the form! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

Hello, Geezer,
You have captured the essence of Spring. Your last line is wonderful!
Thank you!
L

I appreciate your comments, especially since they are favorable. LoL
~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

author comment

Try a comma between breezes and frozen. It might clarify your intent

Looks s like a winner as is Geez,

THE MARK
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If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

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