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Spring? (April's Contest)

Submitted by Rula on Tue, 2018-04-03 13:40

When dawn is up
with greener hues
and genuine colors
got more to infuse,
when eyes catch more
of magical views
to leash the boredom
and all the blues,
when the sun's warmer
on the sandy dunes
and the back yards din
with tons of tunes,
when quills in ink
dance with muse
and sing up with
or without the flutes,
when the media's up
with Only good news
Just then I'll think
It's Spring.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
April Contest... "Spring"

Comments

raj

Tue, 2018-04-03 13:47

Good to see you posting again....you have really created the sounds and color of Spring in your poem...make sure you post it to April Contest...

warmly...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:12

Rula's picture
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Thanks for reading and the comment. I think this contest is meant only for new participants as the dropping window indicates. We need the sponsors to assure this really.
Thanks again dear raj. Any suggestions?
Do you think the last few lines make any sense?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:24

The end lines are so meaningful especially if the joyous colors and music of Spring are lost in the more profound color of bloodshed and cries for freedom around...those lines hold a profound meaning...shows your sensitivities...
.............................................

warmly

raj (sublime_ocean)

Geezer

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:58

Geezer's picture
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new participants! I'm sorry, I will go and correct this now! Sorry if I indicated otherwise. Please enter the contest, as I enjoyed this very much. It may not win, but it has every right to be considered.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 16:34

Rula's picture
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thanks so much for correcting this glitch.
I also appreciate your kind comment highly.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:41

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friend. I'm so happy to know you think so.
Much appreciation.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:41

Noted the changes you have made eliminating some negative vibes...there is a spello in genuin which should be genuine..

i will follow this poem in case you do more edits...
...........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:48

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For hawk eye. I put the last lines back following your suggestion.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Halcyon

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:49

Winter is definitely winning at the moment. I like how your poem captures the struggle in transition between winter and spring. Then adding "When media comes up with Only good news," that makes it special on another level. Nice free verse Rula.

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 16:43

Rula's picture
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Appreciate the kind visit. I wasn't really sure about the last few lines until you and raj affirmed that they work there well.
A big thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

raj

Tue, 2018-04-03 14:51

for making me smile like a Hawk...:)
...................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 16:35

Rula's picture
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:)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lovedly

Tue, 2018-04-03 16:44

lovedly's picture

it's about 5 ish degrees Centi
the snows have not yet melted
come and see
the snow laden trees

The USA guys have early spring
to them it's like a harbinger
of peace
and so they have added an early competition
I will await to read
but composing on this site
I have now abandoned
let others breed

spring has not sprung yet
indeed
your poetry will lead...

(only minor typo contest not rest)

Rula

Tue, 2018-04-03 22:32

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Thanks for the kind words. I hope that spring won't be late where you live. It means a lot to have you on my page.
Thank you .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

lovedly

Wed, 2018-04-04 02:40

lovedly's picture

it's always a pleasure
Rula ma'am

raj

Wed, 2018-04-04 06:25

When you have ended the previous lines with a period do you think all the Whens in the next line should be with a W in higher case? Just a thought

Warmly..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Wed, 2018-04-04 13:11

Rula's picture
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as I edited I thought I'd leave out the periods and replaced them with occasional commas as I believe all the thoughts are relatively related. Hope this makes some sense.
Appreciate your thoughts highly indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

raj

Wed, 2018-04-04 13:21

Oh Ok...perhaps my Hawk eye was not in operational mode which is why I didn't see that they were commas...
..................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

raj

Wed, 2018-04-04 14:05

I keep coming back to this time and again..

would addition of "indeed" in the last line make it more meaningful?

Just then I'll think
It's Spring indeed.

moreover, i suggest you read aloud the entire piece when may be you will find the need to improve flow of some lines...i don't know if in poetic terminology its called scansion...
........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Thu, 2018-04-05 04:10

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I'm grateful for your suggestion, yet I am not v. sure about adding the word 'indeed'. As for the flow I was sure to read it many times. I know it's not v.smooth especially at the ending lines where I thought the *unsmoothness* serves to emphasize the last line message. Hope this makes some sense?
However, I promise to revisit after some few days.
Can't tell how happy I'm to have such a talented friend to help.
Thank you dear raj.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

raj

Thu, 2018-04-05 05:47

No big deal Rula for making suggestion/s. I too will read it aloud a couple of times and if necessary come up with more suggestions...
...........................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

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