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Speech Ineffable

For over two decades
My heart has been asleep

Today, it spoke to me
A speech ineffable

I felt it threatening to out
Through my throat, then my chest

I swear I felt my heart cry
With its eyes and then sobs with its nose

Deflowered
my thighs receive a gush of wind between.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I pride mself as not having a heart, on the eve of my graduation, i found myself almost sobbing, and calling my friends randomly to tell them I will miss them
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet poetry website Issiakson.A nice poem but I would have loved to know the ineffable speech your heart spoke to you. And I think the word "receive" should have been a past tense.

ineffable
1.incapable of being expressed or described in words; inexpressible:
ineffable joy.
2. not to be spoken because of its sacredness; unutterable:

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
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thank you Marvel. unfortunately, the speech is ineffable, perhaps it can only be felt. the "receive" correction too, got it.. thank you.

author comment

I know the feeling so well.

And those last four lines really bring it home. The physicality of "sobs with its nose"
and the carnality of deflowered, loss of virginity, and "a gush of wind" like the world blowing in.

Fine, brave work.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

thanks you so much.
this is some incentive to me
cheers!

author comment
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