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Speaking of Eve
Her voice is like velvet petals
Hidden amongst the lilies,
Wearing her heart on her face
Held in tranquil hands grace,
Red birds welcome her presence
As the snake of eloquence
Guides her to burn to write
In spite of the elements of night.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words:
This verse is completed. No plan to add more to it or change anything.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Michael Anthony
Sun, 2021-03-14 23:21
Hi Lindame,
Hi Lindame,
I enjoyed this! The two stanzas could easily stand separately on their own as poems. I especially liked: "As the snake of eloquence guides her to burn to write." - wonderful. I also liked the brevity here - so much said in so few words. I love this when I see it in poems!
A suggestion would be to maybe consider a third stanza to connect the two, as this may give the reader a better feel for the context, and the relation of the two existing stanzas (because readers always want more of a good thing too, of course, LOL!). Just my 2 cents, but well done! Thank you for sharing this!
Best
Michael Anthony
lovedly
Mon, 2021-03-15 19:59
].
.