Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Sonnet To My Childhood Self ( October Contest)

Submitted by Rula on Sun, 2022-10-30 17:04

Back and forth flash the joyful days;
delights the crazy swinging brings.
the air that plays ahead my ways,
and seesaws flying with no wings.

The hide and seek, the flipping coin.
The shadows running 'long the streams.
The birds that come with chirps to join.
The golden times with endless dreams.

You're April showers when my land's dry.
The sunshine when the days go gloom.
You're the blast when spirits might die.
My marigolds; forever bloom.

You are the blossom of my heart,
you and I won't rip-up apart.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

A Poem To Your Childhood Self

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Sun, 2022-10-30 19:41

Excellent structure

I love it. Every word.

Found a couple warts…

The shadows runnig 'long the streams.

Running

And…

You're April showers when my lands dry.

land’s. A contraction of “land is”

Again, great organizational skills, excellent metaphor with the marigold. That line is the hook!

Tim

Rula

Mon, 2022-10-31 03:38

Hello Tim

Thanks for the hawk's eye and for the kind review
I think working on the cell phone isn't the best idea, ha!
Always great to see a new friend on my page.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

author comment

Lavender

Sun, 2022-10-30 21:42

Hello, Rula,
Sweet sonnet to your childhood self. Full of joy, playfulness, and encouragement! Your sonnet form is nice and tight along with your rhyme. I see that most lines contain 8 syllables, except "You're April showers when my lands dry" seems to have 9, but I'm giving the word "showers" two syllables. Also, "You're the blast when souls might die" seems to have only 7. This is very lovely. A unique and wonderful idea to write a sonnet to yourself!
Thank you!
L

Rula

Mon, 2022-10-31 03:43

Dear lavender

I can't thank you enough for the reading and commenting.You're spot on.
Hope the amends work out better now.
Please let me know if it works well for you.
Thank you again dear. Much appreciate it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤