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Son of the Moon

Striving in the presence of the moon.
Whilst its light fades too soon.
Clocks atop the tower strike,
getting all passengers out within the hour.
So subtle the blueish white hue,
glimmers through.
A baby crawls through the night.
Seeking what never was because,
the old man and moon have no room.
Nor can they be bribed or exhumed.
Many presume however;
tears that are shed cause flooded plains;
but stopped by soot and dust-
from crowded lanes.
Levies give in and-
the filthy fowl fly away cackling,
we’ll die again another day.

Peering through a window,
A family dines together.
Tender words heard;
love exchanged affectionately.
Never shared with the stranger.
Infection creeps within the veins of-
the boy who stands outside aloof.
All the while,
looking back at the moon.

Next chapter, a few words please.
Maybe laughter, to put minds at ease.
At least to bed, but could someone-
drown the elephant in the room.
To make this relevant,
the matter at hand, prevalent.
Inside his shell shaped like a cell.
But hey; who cares these days?
If the seeds are misplaced,
swept up by a broom.
All the while,
dying in the presence of the moon.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Very deep writing that only the author could understand what is behind it
you are your father's son and are following in his footsteps


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This is a cathartic write of some kind, yes? That's
what I get from it. This stanza:

"Peering through a window
a family dines together
Tender words heard;
love exchanged affectionately...", and so on
until the end...
Quite evocative...I feel a longing.

I think this write could lose some punctuation
here and this a softer edge in places.
I hesitate to offer much of anything in the way of critique
as I feel this is quite a personal write. Cathartic.

Some lovely lines throughout, many thought provoking.
Amidst the pain, I found a lyrical beauty in this.

And in the main, I like your line breaks and structure.

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