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Sometimes, I Just Need a Good Cry
Sometimes,
I just need a good cry,
but can't seem to get
the words or the tears out.
Sometimes I look
like a blubbering mess,
and sometimes I appear
heartless.
I couldn't cry around my ex
(I had to remove her name from my vocabulary)
and I don't even remember when that started,
except that it happened years ago.
And I'd like to get on with things,
with life,
but tomorrow feels
like the deadest end.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Sat, 2016-06-04 12:39
this is
A very toching read Mark.. I think every human being can relate. I wished for a more uplifting end but I also understand that this is more honest.
Thank you for sharing!
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China Blue
Sat, 2016-06-04 17:19
Mark
I was with you up until the word deadest
how about most deadly
or deadliest
anything but deadest lol
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
jane210660
Sun, 2016-06-05 03:00
As Rula says, I think we can
As Rula says, I think we can all relate to this. Heartfelt and touching.
I thought the 'deadest end' was a bit of a double meaning - as in dead end and final end, so I didn't have any trouble with it. Jx
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