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Solitudes Journey

Snow crunches where I wander,
The lonesome parade alone.
The prayer for the walk:
My emotions to squander.

I think back, for I am human,
The life I loved and the one now lost.
I left soon after to be where i am.
And only now I consider the cost...
I knew you, silky brown hair,
Emerald eyes, and a body so fair.
I loved you, and I was yours,
And you were mine.

A shadow of what I once was now,
I need to live again, but how?
She is gone, and I left you alone,
I need to keep my heartbreak unknown.

Im a silhoutte in the moonlight,
Out in the cold I cant lose this fight.
At least thats a consolation,
No poison in this desolation.

How do i face you if Ireturn?
Will you get back at me?
Will you leave me in turn?
How strong can love for us be?

Make a deal with the devil.
My soul for hers.
Hell for me
And life for my angel.

I cant be free from this,
But its my lover I miss.
So I choose life instead.
Though im better off dead

I slip gently in our bed,
Pillows wet from tears shed.
She moves suddenly to sleep on me.
I will never leave again...

(But i will never forget the one now gone. And a prayer for her)

To most you were an idea,
To your mother and i you were a blessing.
You and your mother were two halves of my whole world.
Ill bear the scars of losing you on my heart for the rest of my life.
I was all but ready to go to hell to make sure you went to heaven.
I would have died for you to live.
I realize now that your small time in this world has helped made me and i wish i could have held you even once.
I love you, i love you and your mother with everything i am.
So although i never met you,
Ill walk through this world.
Ill wear you on my heart.
Ill shed tears for you everyday,
And i will live in regret,
But i will live for you...
And im so sorry...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is a poem about someone that was lost before born. I hope you enjoy it
Editing stage: 


last stanza line 7
I realize now that your small time in this world has helped made me and i wish i could have held you even once.

I will suggest that you break this into two lines like this -
I realize now that your small time in this world has helped made me
and i wish i could have held you even once.

There are some missing apostrophe in a few "I'll" in the poems. I'll let you find them on our own.

The emotion in this poem is very vivid. Not bad.


Stay true to yourself.

I think with a little touch here and there this would become an excellent piece, the theme is gentle in that the underlying thing is love of another.
I have been taught that sometimes the Spirit changes its mind about coming down to the Earth plain and the loss is usually devastating, that you can say that you feel the life form there on your chest though a picture of what may have been it is as near to real as real is.
Hope I have seen this true, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Excellent word skills, great potential, but stuck on a theme.
You can do better.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

//so man y here and so few raw poets...none have theme
not many posting every twenty four hours when they can!
This is a long work..much effort gone into this../..Risk taking..
Bold!! All the better for me the reader! One can be a critique
or one can be a Poet here!....myself I chose Poet..
and this lengthy work says you are a poet!!

and he what If's,,,what if they were taking your money for
the laundramat and wanted money for a loan..
a big assed television that you had to sign for..
You have no idea..

you are lucky..

if you have a bank account that is solitare
what if you got told what to do..what bills to pay
where to go....Like I have too.
hey man...Im fifty
and the alternative is a room home cooking...
no internet connection
no big assed housing apartment

Love has many faces in the many
faced life of man..

and I new a guy who had many many
lovers because he had the candy and
cash...............he doesnt say he loved
this one or that one....oh and they cost
him thousands upon splitting the scene
so he didnt have to pay marital support..
so they were whores basically..

Love if such a fucking mess I think..but
Im cranky and old....I give the women
money and all else..let me sleep in your
nice place..make me dinner sometime
and and wash my clothes in your wash

Hey I think its fine to dream about LOVE..
but the real working something else..
so if you aint got any and its just this dream...
even better!!!

because the true love....It costs and as it should!
as the other has to accomodate
the political doors open etc...
much work anywaY!

Dont give up..strive hard..make yourself into what
you think what you want wants..It will happen..

Thank You!

I'm glad you see the merit behind the work, rather then just the work. I try not to be too cliché when I write. I like to try to make you feel something you may have never felt before. The problem I run into is people like to feel safe even in poetry. I don't know if you've ever experienced anything like this and if you haven't I would never wish such a thing on you. But to me poetry is a way of stepping into someone else's shoes and being as they are. This one is based in fact though. While I like too try to capture perhaps something I have never experienced and try to see something unconventional (as in Dishonorable Intentions) because that's where the real talent is. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes and instead of reading it trying to capture them. I have a hard time with such things and the challenge is what makes it more exciting. Love my love type poems are usually based off personal experience though. I hope you feel them as I did. Even though I am not trying to hurt you I hope if I write a heartbreak poem then it breaks yours temporarily. Because it means that you are as I was at that point in my life. I thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this. Its a personal favorite and hence why I wanted to share it. I hope to hear from you again soon

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

I like how its a careful construct about The Love...A love..
like a card intellectual foray..

these women whom are like this choose their partners
their childbearing fathers far ahead of the horizon
and limit of our radar as men..
for the most..

I found.
the hard way

most of my women come in and kick my card house
down and scream me into action
tp pick up the mess
grab the groceries from the taxi
get ahold of the dog
and a list to pick up smokes
bring the laundry upstairs
and to expect to turn everything

pretty much all four five and more
of my previous
and I turned down the
crying weeping sobbing little women
who were hard knockes with a lot of
family cash and holdings..

could have had a great weekend
once....but Im an alley horse
in the alley times
pulling my scrap cart
and dreaming of the proper
black coach

the women were hard but they also
had great senses of humor
and in the most touching times
when I was exhausted beaten
down tired aching they wanted
to spend time with me
cuddle up....maybe my guard
was down.....because all the thorny
weather I was pretty armored up
as they were..

can tell the way they walk
open a door...

I saw a lot of these careful arrangements
though the men
laid out their worlds
but expecting the woman
to never walk far from their grip
watched too how the women just
carefully moved from one nest
to another....
how they dropped their men
from great heights on target

I loved that..could see how
my world sometimes..
thick skin...

never knew what that was about
till the last four years..

so the delicate writes...which remind
me of DH lawrence..
always loved his steamier accounts
were a tidy sum of a journey..

maybe I just loved the pirates life..
there were soft moments
many of them...
I just never trusted

politics of power..

anyway Im rambling
but this poem I did find
very well due to the technical
formalities of its workings
which are pretty correct
from my reading background
which is raw..
but extensive enough

Thank You!

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