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Soliloquy of A Demented Mind (Epilogue Side B)

For you I am dying
I am thine
I do not want to worm my way into your affections; neither do I want to inveigle myself to your heart
So I chase after you onerously
But even if I win your love it would be a pyrrhic victory because I would have lost so much energy
And that’s the worst part

This poem is a message in a bottle cast atop the deep blue
I hope it reaches you; I hope it finds you
I hope it floats on your blood through veins and arteries and ventricles to your heart
I’m thinking of all the felicitous things I could say to make you mine
Coz this is Agape love so Divine
And I’m not speaking to this songs beat
I’m speaking to a heartbeat my heart beat
These emotions are true no histrionics or cloying or affectations
But without hesitation
You say I’m just a friend
Which makes me melancholic as I paint the sky with sighs,

Because I wanna be more than “eh he’s just a friend”
I’ve been here before this is de ja vu
You do not love me but still I love you
Violets are blue;
Roses are red
From this point onwards I’m going 2 spit off the top of my dome straight from my head
Understand that without your love I’m worse off than dead
I’m a walking corpse
a walking corpse
So save me:
Save me from myself coz I am dwelling in a pit,
Wallowing in agony and mysery; and the only company I have is solitary
So there’s no one to comfort me
Without your love I’m lost
Ther’s no love lost
But without your love I’m lost
There’s no love lost.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is the second part of my first ever spoken word poem. You can listen to if here.
Editing stage: 


Daniel Revell

nagami kumquots
rejected for failing memorials
"Leave No Trace" rescinded

Guilt Free,
alone in my cell
recalling the days

practicing French at
Parkmoor the 3 of us
seeking mastery

who was the 3rd?
4 years pass
Cindy, when I was freezing

you invited me to stroll
the beaches of the Gulf Coast
a winter's break: you teaching Spanish

me: lost and wounded fallen
wandering writing searching
for a reason or a voice!

on your couch could barely
sleep dreaming of a language, a style
utility--to show how I needed you

or perhaps your imaginary counterpoint
exploring a language of bluebirds
of Violets at Dawn--hungering darkness and falling

after the sun broke through
visions of porpoises and pelicans
you married the very doctor

who left you behind at Clark U.
I never married--I only sang of grasshoppers
leaps of faith and Redemption

a mirror aimed at a ghost
who just did not care to expect more
than bleak, knotty survival!

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