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A Smile

Submitted by Keith Logan on Fri, 2016-06-10 01:39

Speak not to me of beauty,
of lips an angel blessed;
speak not of figure trim and neat
nor heaving of a breast.

A pretty face may eyes attract,
demand a second glance;
a smiling face will touch the soul
and cause the heart to dance.

An open smile of innocence,
of friendliness to all;
is better than the poets’ gush
of beauties that enthral.

A treasure of the highest price,
it's well beyond our ken;
when first a smile is given you
just smile right back again.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

jane210660

Fri, 2016-06-10 02:23

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Great poem, great flow and especially great sentiment. jx

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judyanne

Fri, 2016-06-10 03:54

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Alternate suggestion for the last line
'just give it back again'....

Made me smile
thanks Keith
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Esker

Fri, 2016-06-10 04:45

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the more convention constructs are to be
read aloud! and this one I can feel
lively and with much hope and
instruct!

a daring go ahead expression

I shall smile more
to the present contacts!
who befit me with kindness
the fair lasses!

thank U!

weirdelf

Fri, 2016-06-10 10:18

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Always a pleasure to read your work.

The ending felt a bit trite. I like Judy's suggestion. I would like it even better if it didn't go into the second person. My automatic reaction to any second person suggestion or command, no matter how good, is "You're not the boss of me, fuck off!"

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Keith Logan

Fri, 2016-06-10 11:21

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A treasure of the highest price,
it's well beyond our ken;
when first a smile is given me
I smile right back again.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2016-06-10 11:40

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thanks for listening.
Tell me, do you actually agree with me or am I reacting like an adolescent 58 year old?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Keith Logan

Fri, 2016-06-10 12:53

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Yes, I do agree. It's an old poem. One of many I am not satisfied with as they stand and so I'm trying to review them as best I can, occasionally sharing as in this case. I don't like being preached at either, a failing of some early efforts.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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Geezer

Sat, 2016-06-11 10:29

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myself smiling! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Keith Logan

Tue, 2016-06-28 15:45

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I hope you didn't have to look too long to find yourself. I only misplace my mind, a habit I picked up along with advancing years.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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China Blue

Sat, 2016-06-11 12:44

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Even in just reading your poem you have managed to make myself and others smile
very pleasant reading this work. Yes a snmile is always nice to see

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Keith Logan

Tue, 2016-06-28 15:51

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A show from the 1920s came up with a song that says
"Though you may wear the best
you're never fully dressed
without a smile--
Smile darn you smile."
I can't argue with a good show tune.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

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