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SLEEPLESS

Late at night in the near dark
I stare at an empty page
that's empty, cold white and stark
and it's daring me to rage.

Instead of that I sit and think
of a lifetime full of mediocrity
which has passed as if a blink.
At least it seems that way to me.

Needles of my memories
keep pricking at my aging mind.
They haunt me with their constant tease
of all the trails I left behind.

A moth flits around the back deck light,
just as I would if I were him,
trying to ignore the fright
that the flame is growing dim.

Too many loved ones have left now
and crossed the river Styx
while the years wrinkled my brow.
I frown at lack of any fix.

YetI remain here, still
even though I don't know why
and it's such a bitter pill.
Sleep won't come although I try.

Outside beyond the sliding door
dark is yielding to the dawn.
Another sleepless night like before.
Strangely the sunrise makes me yawn.

With sore knees I slowly rise,
then I cough and stretch a bit,
draw a drink with gnarly hand
which has scars all over it.

Full daylight flares through the tree tops
splashing warmth upon my face
and for a moment time just....stops....
then resumes its headlong race.

One of these days it will outrun me
and chase Me to that other side
where friends and loved ones wait for me.
Until then I will just abide.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love tightly structured poems. I write during the small hours too it helps. This piece is pretty well thought out. One suggestion I have is the last stanza.

Lose the contractions in that last stanza…

One of these days it will outrun me
Pursue me to that other side
where friends and loved ones wait there for me.
Until then I will just abide.

Take my suggestions lightly,
It’s a fine piece,
Tim

Appreciate you coming by. I'll take your suggestion in mind when I do my edit

author comment

always scribble of the other side expecting ashes of humans who have passed by
awaiting a UNIVERSE far and WIDE
And you say still you will abide
Before your hopes ride
do read my poem
NOTHING BEYOND BEYOND
That's helping me live in this real heaven
Amen
Stan scribble on
all love your WESTERN STYLE
I also have to abide ..

I'll pay your poem a visit in the next few days

author comment

you never did many floated beneath the bridge in your well introduced stream lol may surface one of these days

though many miles away.
I found this strangely soothing; to know that the echoes
of our thoughts are twining in commiseration.

I have a few little tweaks that you may find useful here:

Delete the and between cold [and] white, a comma will do nicely there.

a coma in between [would, were I him]

So another night sleepless[,] like before

Strange [ly] you don't need the ly on strange[,] but a comma will do nicely there.

Get rid of [the] flares through treetops, works great!

I like the elipses before and after stops. Makes it more like STOPS

As always, yours to use or ignore. Great write! Pensive and thoughtful! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Hmmmm....Soothing? Well i guess it depends on your state of mind lol. I'll review your suggestions when I edit

author comment

misery loves company.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I reckon that might work. Have you tried allowing longer times for chats?

author comment

the problem seems to be more of different time zones, rather than the length of time they run. What seems to be good for some is dinnertime for others and work for some. Some people have to get up early for work, some for getting kids off to school. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Did you post then delete for some reason?

author comment

X means like?

author comment
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