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Sit with me

I sit here on emerald banks seam
Watching the dreams of life’s stream
It passes before my eyes to eternity
There the words of Muses fraternity

Would I write all those things seen?
Who could understand the dreams?
That drifts on by touching my thread
A giant weave of the water instead

Come sit with me, hold my mind
Let reality and sadness drag behind
Crafts of rainbows blessed with flowers
Floating by, reaching out for golden hours

Learn of these sites that a mind will tell
Let the children learn, their wisdom swell
Notice how the sun skips with the dreams
There many colours of silvers and greens.

Hush now the spoken words are so new
As they flow and swirl against a sky of blue
Hold your quill so that the ink flows sweet
Giving lyrics and poetry an angels treat

Hurry away now, you have seen my friends
Your thoughts well written will transcend
The purity of this my waters dream
Seen with me in this life’s stream

Second write:-

Here I sit on an emerald banks seam,
watching life’s dreams pass by in the stream
It passes before my eyes moving to eternity
There the words of Muses form a fraternity

Should I write of all those things I have seen?
Who could understand my meaning of dreams?
They drift by, touching my earths solitary thread,
a giant weave of the pure waters tapestry instead

Come sit with me, help expand this my mind
Let reality and sadness drag troubles behind
Crafts of rainbows blessed with meadow flowers
Floating by, reaching out for our golden hours

Learn of these sites that a minds story will tell
Let the children learn, that their wisdom will swell
Notice how the sun skips with this our dreams
Scattering many shades of silver and greens.

Hush now the spoken words are something new,
when they flow against a contrasting sky of blue
Hold your quill so that the inks words flow sweet
Giving lyrics and poetry an angels heart beat.

Hurry away now, you have joined with my friends,
your thoughts well written, they will transcend
The purity of this symphony of my water's dream
Seen with me in this flowing of life’s stream

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The first write was completed as usual within a few minutes and just sent as I do to the stream. Thanks to good critique I have taken a little extra time to enhance the first write. There is yet a third write where I ditch all unnecessary words and make it similar to the way Esker writes we shall see , Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

Maybe its the title but this poem reminds me of a song from the Musical Les Miserables entitled "Drink With Me". Further these is a lyrical quality to the poem that suggests it should or could be sung. A sage bringing a novitiate to another level of consciousness. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

Joe

My mind's writing cheques my body can't cash.

Many streams I can sit by with friends from many places, they each have their own streams.
It is lovely to watch the waters of their dreams pass by with them.
Thank you for your visit and comment, Yours ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

wow
vapours would be better
ere all ends up in smoke

lovely long poetry
will read in stages

loved

Thank you for dropping by, I would hate to get the Vapours or even let the stream of life have them LOL.
This is twice written as Stan assisted in the second write with his good critique, so just read Write 2.
Thanks again for sitting with me awhile the sight and essence of perfect quiet were in attendance, I shall go and sit in the entrance of my cave and await your arrival, bring some nice food La La
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Thanks again for sitting with me awhile the sight and essence of perfect quiet were in attendance, I shall go and sit in the entrance of my cave and await your arrival,

*bring some nice food La La

in lieu read my lovely ..sorry lousy..poetry
and continue to advise me

loved

the consistancy, I found it followed a smooth and logical consistancy though I believe smoothing the
meter here and there would give it a better read.
And I believe you've set the scene well and close it also well. Hope your fellow poets will all heed your call.

P.S I'am not sure why would you lable your pieces as free verse though they keep a constant rhyme and almost constant pace through out.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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It is lovely to hear from your thoughts, I think that the main reason I put free verse is so that I can be lazy with meter and correct format lol.
Glad that you enjoyed the sit with me, I shall find other places to go with more interest than just the odd dream,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Well you asked for it lol ........Ideas to help the flow :
S-1, l-1 I sit here a a steep bank's emerald seam
.......l-2 watching dreams of life pass by in the stream
.......l-3 it passes by my eyes on way to eternity
.......l-4 where the words of Muses form a fraternity * in this stanza each line seems at least one beat short

S-2, l-1 Should I write of all the things which I have seen
.......l-2 and if I did who there would understand the dreams
.......l-3 that drift on by touching upon my solitary thread
.......l-4 that slowly weaves there on a wave which slowly builds instead

S-3 l-Come sit with me, enfold my mind
...l-2 leave as is
,,,l-3.......hmmm.....i am in danger of rewriting Your poem. So I will leave these few ideas and let you choose which might work and remind you that almost all problems with flow become evident when a poem is read aloud. and once such stumbles are detected they are usually easily addressed..................stan

Thank you very much for your attention to detail and the guiding words for this hasty piece.
I have rewritten it as per your Ideas, this means that each line has been extended to conform.
I shall try the short line version when time permits if it is needed.
Thank you, this is how we should function here and it has somehow become lost in groups, the now many new poets to this site will benefit from these comments as do I,
Yours Ian.T
Sparrow here, you has bin hard to my Ian, but I saw him smile once, as he went to his dark room, La La

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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