Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 24, 2023
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Simple isn't so simple
If you just do what you're told, sit up straight and do your work life will be easy, simple right? That’s what we are told from the first day of school follow those simple rules and everything will work out But no one prepares you for the side that might break you. As we grow older, we learn on our own that those steps won’t get you through everything and you will have to work harder than anyone has prepared you for. The hard work you put in to just get a passing grade. It builds you up and then breaks you down. Even if you try so hard and put in more work than anyone you still struggle because it is harder than just listening to instructions. Maybe it is just the way we think or maybe it is the way We are taught. You are supposed to make friends with the people around you but you aren’t prepared for the people that will bully you the friends you will go through, to find the people that understand you. But we are told it is simple. Teachers look through the pain and the internal struggles. Maybe it is because we hide it so well or maybe they don’t understand what we go through every day. The two faced girls that look you up and down, whisper and stare but around adults they are perfect and sweet and the kid everyone should be like. Or the mentally draining amounts of homework that keep piling up. Now you don’t have time to do the things you love. You are too busy with the sports your parents force you to play and the studying you have to do so your parents won’t shame you for getting a low grade. maybe that’s why they don’t see it isn’t that simple.
— mikaylab08, May 24, 2023
Share this poem
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Lots of people have been trough the same thing not everyone is ready to speak up about it but I am
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem captures the complexity and emotional weight behind the seemingly straightforward advice given to students: "just do what you're told." The piece effectively challenges the notion that life and school are simple when rules are followed, revealing the hidden struggles and pressures that complicate this narrative.
Strengths: - The poem's conversational tone creates an intimate, relatable voice that draws readers into the speaker’s experience. - The progression from naive belief in simplicity to the harsh reality of emotional and social challenges is clearly conveyed. - The inclusion of specific examples—bullying, overwhelming homework, parental pressure—grounds the poem in concrete experiences, enhancing its emotional impact.
Areas for improvement: - The poem is presented as a single block of text without line breaks or stanza divisions. Introducing line breaks and stanzas would improve readability and allow for more deliberate pacing and emphasis. - Some sentences are quite long and could benefit from being broken up to enhance clarity and rhythm. For example, the opening lines could be split to create more impact. - Consider varying sentence structure and incorporating more poetic devices such as metaphor, imagery, or repetition to deepen the emotional resonance and elevate the language beyond prose. - The poem could explore more nuanced reflections or moments of hope or resistance to balance the heaviness and provide a fuller emotional arc. - Attention to punctuation and capitalization would help clarify meaning and improve flow. For instance, capitalizing "Maybe" at the start of a sentence and using commas to separate clauses would aid comprehension.
Overall, the poem effectively voices the disconnect between simplistic expectations and complex realities, but it would benefit from more deliberate poetic form and refined language to fully realize its emotional power.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.