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"The Silence of Light"

Here in the darkness of the days beginning
I find no peace even as the sound of silence plays.
Drawing on the surprise of visions of light
A chandelier glistened in my mind.

The true light splitting into many hues
Which is the truth of light in all these shades
Tell the darkness that it can only be betwixt stars
There I shall find an infinity of dreams

A silence so pure it will close your mind
Dreams without end caressing thoughts
As they flee to find a golden dawn
The star we call the sun will appear to rise

Stay in awe of each day as you are drawn to be
There in the warmth of an entity you will glow
There as the darkness flees, you will find a new peace.
Drift into a new day, as does this thing called night

There declare that you are of substance and live
Then use your thoughts to rent asunder old myths
As you close your eyes for that final chapter
They will tell you in the new light, that its eternal.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just writing to waste dream time .. This one I think needs more Stanzas, I shall look at it when time permits, Yours Ian
Editing stage: 

Comments

and bow
day breaks but with darkness
is it snowing there still

Thanks for joining me here, today as every day is special.
Out in the garden is an Acer tree not yet cloaked in its summer dress, hanging from its branches are four heart shaped plastic pieces each with an inscription on .
They are for the family of Anne that has departed this pathway, they twist with the breeze and flash out light reminding us that those who journeyed on are but a thought away.
I hope you are in better weather now young Bard, where abouts are you on that vast Canadian plain or have you moved again.
Take care yours as always Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

you seem to be asking a grass hopper
on which grass are you now hopping

well a guy like me
moves on across water
land and sea
through the medium of the air
and
if you know anything about timing zones
you will find me always about
here and there
but where

your plague or brilliance on the world or at least Neopoet.
This is a good start, for not the first time, whether you knew it or not, I have your back.
Speak bravely and more succinctly.
I'm with you, pardner.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

SORRY Ian Sir

Put this one on stream it is one of your best writes that I have read for a while.
Thanks for sharing it with me first,
Take care young Bard a lovely walk,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

The guidelines specifically request that you do not use blogs to bypass the 24 hour rule.

It is also rude and disrespectful to post your own poem in comments on someone else's work. You owe Ian an apology.

Big slap on wrist!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

as my master straightens me a very big hugging
S O R R EEEEEEEEEEEE

You is forguved and it matters not, I post some of my pieces on others places but just as an example of something I have said in my comment.
You have had an ether slap (Smiling) take care talk to you later, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

I really enjoy this poem. I wish I felt more comfortable writing long lines and following form. You make it seem very easy! I will have to give it another try sometime soon.
 
I have a few small suggestions/questions for you:
 
days beginning --> day's beginning 
 
Tell the darkness that it can only betwixt stars --> do you mean "it can only be betwist stars"?
 
Drift into a new day as the obsolete thing called --> the obsolete thing called what? Am I misreading something, or is a final word missing from this line?
 
How are these for for possible titles: "Betwixt Stars" or "Mind's Eternal Light" or "Imagination Illumination" ? 
 
This poem reminds me of a quote by a scientist name Jill Tarter, who said: "We are made out of stardust. The iron in the hemoglobin molecules in the blood in your right hand came from a star that blew up 8 billion years ago. The iron in your left hand came from another star." 
 
I enjoy that quote and this poem for the same reason. It is so easy to feel insignificant in this world, but we're really not. If we make a change for the better in just one person's life, I think that makes life worth living and our time on this earth meaningful. This quote and poem remind me of that truth.
 
Take care,
Kelsey 

Critique, don't comment.
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www.lettereddandy.xyz

Sorry about delay I thought that I had replied to your comment.
I took your advise and amended the poem as you suggested,
Kelsey I have always had the problem of to many words just ask Jess.
I have been writing for over 60 years now and find that to sit and just write to me is the best way.
After writing I usually edit each line as I can never remember the words I have written.
But most of my writes as the last two or so are straight from the keys as I sit here late at night, and then there is no time to edit.
Later probably the next day I will copy to word and go through the piece line by line but time is not good to me.
You just sit and write/tap the keys do not think to deeply or you will become embroiled with correctness and that stops the flow from your mind..
Thanks very much, Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Really, at the literary, philosophical and science levels she took the words right out of my mouth (and it definitely wasn't while she was kissing me)
Title?
"Hey man, it's just light, you know?"
"Shut your eyes"
"The Silence of Light"

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Most things I write are fiction and just imagination, Simeon and Gar the sound of silence rings out loud and clear,
You take care and thanks for your visit.
Yours as always, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Great opening verse leading into an equally good second. About that second, you have used shades twice, maybe you meant something like hues in the first position. I also love dawning so this poem really appeals to me. Another thought, Drift into a new day, leave the obsolete thing called night. Also I think rent (past hence) should be rend.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thanks for your obs, I put a light in the second shade all seems bright and better now,
Many thanks,
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Just my luck to read this as my alloted comp time is about to expire at library lol. I liked the way you use day and night as metaphors for life and death but I haven't time to dig for suggestions...........stan

Great to have a comment from you sorry you were timed out, Will talk later its late at the moment and I am supposed to sleep at night..
Take care out there, Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

advice and advise
many interchange
google if u would

"advice" is the noun (I would like some advice) and "advise" is the verb (I am going to advise you on what to do next).

I imagine that most people mix them up a lot! I know that I do.
Hope this helps,
Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

then I advise you not to listen to my advice.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

do advise
I love your ADVICE
I KNOW U KNOW

telling a leading poet
also
I sent
not I send
and he sent
then I wanted to send
many mix up this kind too
thanks to you

greetings to you my friend. Greetings which I may have sent before.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

telling a leading poet
also
I sent
not I send
and he sent
then I wanted to send
many mix up this kind too
thanks to you

telling a leading poet
also
I sent
not I send
and he sent
then I wanted to send
many mix up this kind too
thanks to you

I also mix up "passed" and "past". It happens!

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

that's what comes of missing out on a good old fashioned Scottish education.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

she passed this way
many times in the past

The poem was traditional Ian (which is not a bad thing). The grammatical suggestions are spot on and I agree with them. Careful there. The subject is sweet and poignant.
Good poem nonetheless.
Good to see you again. I have been gone a long time and miss my old friends.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Really great to hear from you.
I hope that you are back with us again it has been too long.
Now we can return to our long pieces.
Yes I suppose my writing is from the same stream most times.
Problem I need feedback and need to know what people wish to talk about.
I have Eternity sitting here with an imagination that stretches beyond belief, just need a word or two or an ask for a write on a subject.
I find my normal writes are as you say, so later we will do some different stuff, just need coaxing..
Lovely to see you here, let us know what you are up to young horse whisperer,
Know that we think of you and are nosey,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Beautiful new title! Happy to read this one again.

Kelsey

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

Thank you for your welcome second visit.
I love your new picture it shows a truth of where you are, never fear to be alone in your eyes beats a heart that has become guarded from hurts, now you know of all these things and also know it is time for you to bloom, out there are many beautiful graces, now run and seek the best.
Yours as always Ian.xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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