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Silence After The Storm

Black clouds loom over still,
Wind will settle down,
We've fought this war until we've broken down each others will.
Standing with my heart away,
An attempt to keep yours at bay,
I don't wanna be a victim anymore.

The storm has past,
quiet now at last,
War is over let's go our seperate ways.
We built it up, it took its toll,
And now all were left to do is suffer in the bitter resentment...
In the silence of the storm.

We shot our words across the fields,
Thunder and lightning through our hearts.
We knew what we were approaching,
A final farewell we were composing.
Funeral for a relationship years in the making.

The storm has past,
quiet now at last,
War is over let's go our seperate ways.
We built it up, it took its toll,
And now all were left to do is suffer in the bitter resentment...
In the silence of the storm.

So now well be as the maelstrom that's passed,
Since we couldn't make it last.
Here well live in the silence of the storm...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
The ending to something beautiful
Editing stage: 

Comments

the darkness of this one, but I felt that the pattern and rhyme could use some work.
It is not enough to just throw some words that rhyme in there, it should have a pattern and rhythm.
Unless it is free-form. ~ Geezer

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I liked this a lot just as Gee it needs a little work..
.
We built it up, it took its toll,
And now all were left to do is suffer in the bitter resentment...
(In the silence of the storm.) the storm has gone so this needs a time set..
Keep writing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I don't know. Maybe I'm not a traditional poet. Its more about the message for me then the way. The words not the method. I am telling a story. I guess all my poems are free verse as I rarely stick to any boundaries.

Unto Oblivion, We Depart

author comment

it excludes others.
I didn't like it from the start and I like it less now.
How about a different theme?

cheers,
Jess
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