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Shattered Optimism

Fratricidal war ravaged our terrain
The budding heroic patriots died
Pipelines exploded, many were fried
Then flushed down the public drain

Horrors which were seen by warriors
In the melee for self determination
Also by victims of national damnation
Were the departed unsung saviors

Our struggle brought new songs
For freedom and independence
To secure our continued existence
We celebrated with flutes and gongs

The forfeitures are forgotten today
We scramble for the national cake
Leaving the deprived people to rake
On fuel subsidy removal they will pay

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


just learned (from you) that this is about the recent Nigerian fuel strike. u put this piece together pretty fast! hard to do, especially with rhyming.
only suggestions- capitalize the O in the title and 'melee' might be past the point of needing accents.
other than that this is a great piece and comes from true heart and belief.
keep these coming. thx.


with your comments there is no need for a footnote, I am not as fast as it appears, the strike on fuel subsidy removal made me to dust a section of an old scribble totally unrelated and without rhyme scheme, then rework it with the rhyme and direct it to the current crisis here. Part of what I desire is to be assisted on rhyme, rhythm and meter. My pieces are mostly prosaic, it waters down my poems.

Thanks for the observations and comments, I gained one or two things from you and I appreciate you time with me. Best wishes.


A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

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