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Jul 14, 2011
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shadow puppet
it exhausts me to follow you-
dark puddle on concrete
the stain of what you are
once a day
a light gently widens
with only a sky for company
gaze of sun diligently lingering
in the evening
our bodies
skin like paper
winter and bloom
our disappearance sudden with the night
witness me now
without you
flat and lifeless
— CCfire, Jul 14, 2011
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Draft
Critiques
raj
15 years ago
Chez
the profound hollowness is very perceptible in this piece...is the random structure deliberate to express commotion of thoughts?
CCfire
15 years ago
You're quite right Raj, this
You're quite right Raj, this was a jumble of a dream, random and incoherent thoughts that I scribbled down but then though perhaps it should stay that disconnected way as the dream intended.
raj
15 years ago
so my perception about the
so my perception about the structure of this write was right..it certainly does justice to a dream of incoherent thoughts...
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