Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Setting The Table

My hands smooth over
each tight fold
in the tablecloth,
your hands
slip the warm rolls
between the sweating crystal.
We steam the silver
with our uttered breath -
rub spoons,
buff forks
as one butter knife
abandonedly slides
off the table
onto the floor.
No senseless worries -

the butter
has melted.

***

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

of the intent of this poem. It seems that you await a dinner partner, with very little for the table. [By design or happenstance]?
Waiting is the hardest part. Good idea, but I struggle to find the direction this is taking. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Hmm...I'll need to rethink this one. My intent was a suggestive, intimate / seductive dinner for two.
Ah, well!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Very appreciated!
L

author comment

I was bothered by the line: "I slipped the porcelain between the warm rolls and the sweating crystal". It took me a couple of reads to realize that the [porcelain] was the plates. I think that your premise is good, but it is overshadowed by the need to interpet the lines and the use of "messy folds". How about: I smoothed the folds of
tablecoth and slipped the plates
between the warm rolls
and the sweating crystal.

No need for the knife, it makes it sound like the start of a Killer poem! LoL

The real action should start at the arrival of your guest.
The long-drawn breath and exhalation could steam the forgotten silverware!
Step it up girl, envision the scene and live it! I am very interested in how you resolve
the issues. Good luck. ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Yeah, Buddy! I really like your suggestions!
Thank you!
L

author comment

Too funny! That knife has gotta go before this turns into "Fatal Attractions!"
Always appreciate your view and comments!
Thank you!
L

author comment

This piece needs a bit of clarification, but I'm so glad you understood its foundation!
I am well, thanks, and hope you are, too!
Thanks, Teddy!
L

author comment

Good suggestion -
I will give it some thought!
Thank you!
L

author comment

That is what I'm talking about! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Thanks, thanks, and ever thanks! :)
L

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.