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Serenity
Gazing over the ocean
to a place where the sky meets the sea
the setting sun leaves a bleeding wound
that can only be healed
by the rising moon
The seagulls take to their final flight
while sandpipers scurry
before the arrival of night
Crashing waves rolling in
with changing tides
leaving an amalgam of seaweed and brine
and a place for little creatures to hide
Now say goodbye
to another sun
for serenity and peace
to the sea I come
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2020-05-12 16:06
Dear Chrys
what a descriptive piece. Could be a good example of show poetry. I aslo learnt two words or three in stanza 3 which is also my favorite.
I very much enjoyed reading your words
Thank you for sharing this beautiful scene
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-05-12 17:08
rula
you are always too kind and generous . curiosity has the better of me what two words
Chrys
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author commentRula
Thu, 2020-05-14 14:07
Dear Chrys
I am not familiar with the sandpiper as we are far from any sea or ocean shores.
The two words are amalgam and scurry.
Now i need to use them sooner so as to forget them.
Thank you
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-05-12 17:11
Teddy
Thank you so much as you can tell I so love the ocean and I am truly at peace there just the sound of the crashing waves is awesome
Chrys
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author commentGracy
Tue, 2020-05-12 17:00
Lovely poem, lynn. Leaves me
Lovely poem, lynn. Leaves me feeling serene, despite lockdown. I feel you could do away with a few articles, such as in the strophe below.
Crashing waves rolling in
with (the) changing tides
leaving an amalgam of seaweed and brine
and a place for (the) little creatures to hide.
Just thoughts of my own, otherwise enjoyed.
*
*
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-05-12 17:23
Gracy
thank you for stopping in
I will look at your suggestions thoughtfully
and see what might happen when I apply them
i have omitted your suggestions and yes it flows better thank you
Chrys
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author commentLavender
Tue, 2020-05-12 18:02
Serenity
Hi, Chrys,
You have captured the essence of a sunset - a very sensory experience. Beautiful.
Thank you!
L
c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-05-12 19:29
lavender
thank you very much
Chrys
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author commentc lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-05-12 20:12
Jerry
Thank you so much
Chrys
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